I’d been feeling trapped again, suffocated by memories I couldn’t shake. The weight of everything pressed down hard, and I was desperate for a way out. I wanted to disconnect from the pain that clawed at me every waking moment, so I did something I never thought I would: I took a handful of ibuprofen.
The bottle said to take two every eight hours, but I wasn’t in the mood to follow rules. I swallowed down six of those little white pills, hoping they’d wash away everything. I was done feeling like a burden, done with the never-ending shame that came from being the kid who didn’t belong. In that moment, I just wanted it all to stop.
“Hey, Butker, you good?” Travis asked, leaning against my locker. I could barely focus on him through the haze starting to cloud my mind.
“Yeah, just... trying to chill out,” I replied, slumping against the cool metal.
Travis raised an eyebrow. “You sure? You look a little... off.”
“Pffft, I’m fine,” I said, waving my hand dismissively. “Just trying to relax before practice.”
The truth was, I was already starting to feel the effects. My heart raced as if it were trying to escape my chest, and my limbs felt heavy. Everything around me started to blur. I leaned back, trying to steady myself, but my thoughts were spiraling out of control.
Then it hit me—a wave of nausea crashed over me, and I felt like I was sinking. I could hear Travis talking, but his voice was muffled and far away, like I was underwater. “Butker? Hey! Talk to me!”
I couldn’t respond. My body was betraying me, twisting and turning as I fought to keep it together. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping it would all just go away.
And then I heard it—the sound of Travis shouting, “Patrick! Call 911! Now!” Panic surged through me, but I couldn’t bring myself to move.
I felt hands gripping my shoulders, shaking me gently. “Butker! Open your eyes!” Isiah’s voice broke through the haze, but everything felt like a dream.
I opened my eyes, and the room spun. “What’s happening?” I managed to croak out, but it sounded weak and distant even to me.
“You took too much, didn’t you?” Travis’s voice was sharp, filled with concern. “Stay with me, man. Just breathe.”
I tried to focus on his words, but the world kept shifting. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears, and my breath came in quick gasps. “I... I just wanted to...”
Before I could finish my sentence, the room filled with voices, and I could see the panic on their faces. Patrick was on the phone, talking urgently to someone I couldn’t hear. “Yeah, we need an ambulance! He took too many ibuprofen. I don’t know how many, but he’s not okay!”
The realization crashed over me like a wave. I was in trouble. I had thought I could handle it, but now I was slipping away, and all I could do was watch as my friends scrambled around me.
“Stay with us, Butker!” Isiah said, his grip tightening as if he could pull me back from whatever dark place I was floating toward.
I wanted to tell them I was sorry, that I hadn’t meant for it to go this far, but the words got stuck in my throat. All I could do was lay there, feeling like I was losing control of everything.
Then I saw Carson in the corner, his eyes wide with fear. He didn’t understand what was happening, and the thought of him worrying made my heart ache. “Alligator?” he whispered, but it felt like he was reaching for something he couldn’t grasp.
The room filled with bright lights, and suddenly there were paramedics everywhere. “What do we have?” one of them asked, kneeling beside me.
“Overdose on ibuprofen,” Patrick said, his voice steady but laced with worry. “He took a handful.”
