Unconditionally

I'm Lost

Stella's POV

I wasn't doing well.

Since the fight with Arnold, my mind had been a mess. Every moment replayed like a bad movie stuck on repeat—Arnold's voice, pleading with me to understand, the way his eyes shone with hurt as I told him to leave. He didn't have a choice; I knew that, but that didn't make it any easier. It was like my heart couldn't let go of the pain, no matter how many times I told myself I'd done the right thing.

Allison and Jenli had tried their best to pull me out of my funk. We were holed up in my room, surrounded by empty bags of chips and half-eaten chocolate. Normally, this would be our space—laughing, teasing each other, watching movies. But now, even the thought of a romantic comedy made my stomach twist. How could I watch something so carefree when my own life felt like it was falling apart?

"Stel, you've gotta stop zoning out," Allison said, breaking the silence. Her voice was gentle, but I could feel the worry behind it. "You've barely said anything for days."

Jenli nodded from her spot on the bed, pulling her knees to her chest. "We're here for you. Just talk to us."

I stared at the ceiling, feeling like I didn't even know where to begin. I was a mess. Every time I thought about Arnold—about how things ended—I felt like I'd made the wrong choice, but at the same time, I couldn't have handled any more heartbreak. I wasn't ready for him to leave, even though he had to.

"I don't know what to say," I mumbled, voice cracking a little. "I just feel like I pushed him away because I was so scared of getting hurt. But it still hurts. Maybe even more now."

Allison sat up straighter, her eyes softening. "You didn't push him away on purpose, Stella. You were just trying to protect yourself."

I nodded but didn't really believe it. Deep down, I felt like I'd ruined everything. I didn't want Arnold to go, but I couldn't handle watching him leave either.

"Do you think he's okay?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper. The thought of Arnold dealing with everything on his own back broke my heart all over again.

"I'm sure he's trying to figure things out too," Jenli said. "But he'll be back. You know that, right? He cares about you."

I bit my lip, trying to push down the wave of emotions that threatened to spill out. "It just feels like everything is falling apart."

There was a beat of silence, and then Allison spoke up. "You know, Jordan's been texting me. He and Enzo are worried about Arnold too."

I blinked, surprised. "Jordan?"

"Yeah," Allison said, tapping her phone. "They noticed something was off after the fight, and apparently, Arnold's not doing great either."

I glanced at her phone as she showed me a few of Jordan's messages.

Jordan: Arnold's been off ever since the argument. We're trying to get through to him, but it's like his head's stuck somewhere else.

Allison: Stella's the same. It's like she's here, but not really.

Jordan: You think they'll figure it out? Or is this game over?

I frowned. "He's really that upset?"

Allison nodded. "Yeah. Jordan said he's been distracted at practice, and Enzo can barely get a word out of him. It's like he's trying to bury his feelings in hockey, but it's not working."

Hearing that Arnold was struggling made my heart clench even more. I wanted to reach out to him, but what would I even say? Sorry for pushing you away? Sorry for making everything harder? I didn't know how to fix this.

Jenli shifted closer, placing a comforting hand on my arm. "Maybe you two just need some time. It's been a lot, you know? The tournament, his family stuff... everything."

"Yeah," I murmured, trying to believe it. But the ache in my chest told me otherwise. Time wasn't fixing anything right now. If anything, it was making me more scared that when he came back, things would never be the same.

Later that night, after Allison and Jenli had left, I lay in bed, staring at my phone. My fingers hovered over Arnold's name in my contacts. Part of me wanted to text him—something simple, like Hey, how are you?—but I couldn't. What if he didn't respond? Or worse, what if he did, and everything was just... awkward?

I sighed, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow. Sleep wasn't coming any easier, and the silence of my room felt suffocating. I missed him. I missed the way he'd make me laugh when I felt like I couldn't, the way his eyes softened when he looked at me like I was the only person in the world. I missed the safety I felt when I was around him.

But now, everything was different. He was thousands of miles away, dealing with his family, and I was stuck here, trying to hold myself together.

The next morning, I met up with Allison and Jenli at the café. They could tell right away that I hadn't slept, and though they tried to keep things light, I could see the worry in their eyes.

"Maybe you need a distraction," Jenli said, stirring her iced coffee. "We could hit up the beach later? Or go shopping? Something to get your mind off everything."

I forced a smile. "Yeah, maybe."

But even as I said it, I knew my mind wasn't going anywhere. I was still stuck in the same loop, thinking about Arnold, wondering if he was okay. Wondering if we'd ever be okay again.

As I sat there, pretending to listen to Allison's story about some drama at school, I couldn't shake the gut feeling that kept creeping up on me. This wasn't just a rough patch. Something told me that this might be the last time things felt remotely normal—like the calm before the storm.

I glanced down at my phone again, Arnold's name still lighting up the screen in my recent messages. And for the first time since our argument, I felt like I was starting to lose hope.