If the Sun Has Faded Away (UNDER REWRITING)

Chapter 34: At Lucy's side

Liverpool was swallowed by thick fog this morning, a suffocating blanket that blurred the familiar streets, making them ghostly and distant. The fog outside mirrored the fog in my head—thick, confusing, and impossible to see through. I hadn't slept, haunted by the image of Lucy lying pale and still in that hospital bed. It had only been a day and a half since the incident, but it felt like a lifetime.

Paul walked beside me, quiet but steady, his presence grounding me in a way I desperately needed. He didn't ask questions; he knew why I was going back to see her. Maybe I didn't belong there. Maybe I'd just make things worse. But I couldn't stop myself from going.

The Royal Hospital loomed through the fog, grey and cold, rising up like a fortress. The antiseptic smell hit me as soon as we stepped inside, sharp and unnatural. It turned my stomach. Every footstep echoed too loudly in the sterile white corridor, each one a reminder of how unprepared I was for this.

When we reached Lucy's room, the door was slightly ajar. I saw her through the gap—sitting up, her right arm bandaged and stained faintly pink with dried blood. The sight of it stopped me in my tracks, a knot forming in my chest. That bandage, that wound—it was everything I hadn't been able to stop. The pain she felt, and my helplessness.

But she wasn't alone. Crowther sat beside her, speaking softly. His voice was calm, steady, everything I wasn't. And Lucy—no, Divya, as Crowther and her mother called her—smiled weakly at something he said. It was a small smile, but real. Instead of feeling relieved, I felt something twist inside me. Crowther was the type of person she could depend on. What was I? Just a storm in her already chaotic life.

Before I could decide whether to go in or leave, Mrs. Thomas appeared at my side. Her face was pale, drawn with exhaustion, dark circles under her eyes. I braced myself, expecting more blame, but her expression softened.

"John," she said quietly, her voice trembling with exhaustion. "You should go and see her. She's been asking for you."

My heart skipped. "She asked for me?"

Mrs. Thomas nodded, her eyes filling with tears. "Yes. She wants to see you."

Her words loosened the knot in my chest just a little. But before I could move, she gently touched my arm. "I owe you an apology," she said, her voice breaking slightly. "I was so scared... so angry. I blamed you for what happened to Divya. But it wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault."

Her words hit me hard, cutting through the guilt I'd been carrying since I found out. The tension in my body eased just a bit, though my throat tightened. "Thank you," I whispered. "That means... it means a lot."

She wiped her eyes quickly and hesitated before asking, "Do you know why she did it? Why she...?" Her voice faltered, leaving the rest of the question hanging in the air.

I swallowed hard, my stomach twisting with guilt. I knew why, or at least I thought I did. But it wasn't my place to tell her. "I think Lucy should be the one to tell you," I said softly. "I'm sorry."

Mrs. Thomas's face crumpled with pain, but she nodded. "I understand," she whispered, though it was clear how much she longed for answers. "Thank you for being here, John."

I nodded, feeling the weight of guilt pressing down on me, and turned toward Lucy's room. My heart felt heavy as I walked inside.

"John," Crowther greeted me when I entered, his face calm but serious. He stood from his chair, offering me a polite nod. "I'll leave you two alone. I think you need some time together."

I managed a nod, grateful but still feeling out of place. Crowther placed a hand on Lucy's shoulder gently before stepping out of the room, closing the door behind him.