If the Sun Has Faded Away (UNDER REWRITING)

Chapter 20 : John: Anxious

Hello everyone,

I hope you're fine.

I feel it's been a while since I gave you the last chapter. Sorry for not being able to update more often.

Here's a new chapter for you.

For a change, this chapter is written from John's perspective. For me, it was quite a new, different attempt that I wanted to make.

I hope you'll like this chapter.

Please don't be a stranger. Please let me know if you like this chapter or not.

I'd love to know if you'd like to have another chapter that would be written from John's point of view.

All your comments will be graciously received, as always.

Thank you.

Love

★★★★  

The confidence that had carried me here—surprisingly easy—now felt like it was slipping away. I stared up at the sign for "Millican Opticians," the white letters on a dark blue background standing out, almost freshly painted. It might have been. I didn't know. I'd never been here before.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt so uncertain, so small. For a fleeting moment, I considered turning around, walking away, and abandoning the plan altogether. The fear twisting in my stomach was telling me to do just that.

Damn it, John! What are you doing here?

The voice in my head grew louder, urging me to walk away before it was too late. I glanced at my watch—7:00 AM. Was Mr. Thomas already inside? Lucy had told me once that her father made it a habit to arrive at work early, at least an hour before the practice opened for business.

Well, Lucy did inherit his work ethic, that's for sure.

But what would Mr. Thomas say when he saw me walk in? Would he greet me with a smile, or would he make me feel out of place? I couldn't predict his reaction.

No, Mr. Thomas was always polite to me, I had to give him that. He went out of his way to be cordial, even though I knew it wasn't easy for him. He always tried, but I could sense it—he didn't feel comfortable around me. Every time he looked at me, there was a flicker in his eyes, something that made me feel he disapproved of me being so close to his daughter. I couldn't blame him for that. He wasn't wrong. I wasn't good enough for Lucy.

Lucy. She was the only person I'd ever felt this way about. Around everyone else, I was confident, cocky even. But with her, I was constantly aware of how different we were, how she belonged in a league of her own. Lucy was selfless, smart, brave, and hardworking. She'd been a star student in college, and her career at Deloitte was moving along at breakneck speed. She was shining, as always.

Her drive, I think, came from wanting to make her parents proud. Her family had made so many sacrifices for her, and she was determined to make them feel it was all worth it. Everything she did was for them. And she was succeeding.

Me? I could never outshine her, but it didn't bother me. I was proud of her. What worried me was how her innocence could make her vulnerable. She saw the good in everyone, trusted people far too easily. I always feared someone would take advantage of that kindness.

I didn't believe in God, but if He existed, I'd ask Him to protect Lucy from the world. I just wanted her to be happy, to be safe. That's all I cared about. If only her parents could see that.

They didn't have to approve of me. I just wished they could see that I would never harm her, never bring her down. Our friendship was real, and it meant everything to me.

My eyes remained fixed on the sign above the door, and I took a step back. Leave, John. You don't have to do this. The urge to walk away was overpowering. I wasn't ready to face Mr. Thomas. I wasn't strong enough.

But I had to thank him for the sunglasses. I couldn't just pretend like they hadn't been given to me. Did he really respect me enough to offer such a thoughtful gift? If he didn't see me as a lost cause, then maybe... maybe I wasn't.

With that thought, I straightened my shoulders, forcing myself to stay. I dug my hands into my jacket pocket—today I'd opted for denim instead of my usual leather, hoping it might soften the impression I gave. I wanted Mr. Thomas to see past the rebellious, reckless image I carried around most of the time.

I fumbled for a cigarette and lit it, letting the familiar burn of smoke calm me. I took long, deliberate drags, savoring every bit of it, stretching the moment as far as I could. By the time I finished, I felt more in control. Maybe not entirely brave, but calmer at least.

Popping a peppermint into my mouth, I took a deep breath, pushed open the door, and stepped into the unknown.