Journey of the heart(3)

Chapter 18: First Days, New Ways

The first few days at home with Zaria felt like a dream and a whirlwind all at once. Mya and Jaylen were still getting used to the rhythm of parenthood, adjusting to sleepless nights and endless diaper changes. Everything revolved around their baby girl now, and the love they felt for her seemed to grow with every passing hour.

But with all the joy came exhaustion. The kind of tired Mya had never known before. Zaria was a good baby—calm most of the time, but when she cried, it shook Mya to her core. Each time Zaria woke in the middle of the night, Mya and Jaylen would take turns rocking her, trying to soothe her back to sleep. Mya would catch glimpses of herself in the mirror—hair disheveled, dark circles under her eyes—but all of it felt worth it every time Zaria settled into her arms.

One night, after yet another sleepless stretch, Mya found herself sitting in the nursery, cradling Zaria in the soft glow of the nightlight. The house was quiet except for the faint creak of the rocking chair and Zaria's tiny breaths. Mya hummed softly, hoping the gentle tune would keep her daughter calm.

Jaylen walked in, his footsteps quiet. He leaned against the doorframe, rubbing his eyes and offering her a tired smile. "You want me to take over for a bit?"

Mya shook her head, smiling back. "No, I'm good. She's almost asleep."

Jaylen stepped closer, brushing his hand over Zaria's head. "You're amazing, you know that?"

Mya chuckled softly. "We're both running on fumes. I don't know how amazing I look right now."

Jaylen crouched beside her, resting his head on her knee. "It's not about how you look, Mya. It's about what you're doin'. You're a great mom. I knew you would be."

Mya's heart swelled, her exhaustion momentarily forgotten. She'd been so focused on caring for Zaria, she hadn't given herself much credit. "I'm just doing what I can. She's the priority now."

Jaylen reached for her free hand, squeezing it gently. "We both are. But don't forget to take care of yourself too. You don't have to do it all."

Mya smiled, appreciating his words. She knew Jaylen was right, but it was hard not to feel the weight of being everything for Zaria in those first few days. Even with Jaylen's help, there was an unspoken pressure to be the one who knew how to soothe her, how to meet every need.

"You're doing this with me," Mya said softly, her gaze locked on Jaylen's. "We're figuring it out together."

Jaylen nodded, standing up and kissing the top of her head. "Always."

The days blurred together as Mya and Jaylen settled into their new routine. Family and friends stopped by to meet Zaria, bringing meals and small gifts. Layla had practically moved in for the first week, running errands and helping out wherever she could. She was the godmother now, and she took her role seriously.

One afternoon, Layla was at the house, holding Zaria while Mya sat on the couch with her feet propped up, enjoying a rare moment of relaxation. Jaylen was out running errands, and the house was unusually quiet.

"So," Layla started, gently bouncing Zaria in her arms. "How you really feelin', Mya? I know it's all new and exciting, but you've gotta be exhausted."

Mya let out a long breath, her shoulders sinking into the cushions. "I'm more tired than I ever thought possible. It's a lot, Lay. Like, a lot."

Layla nodded, her face full of understanding. "I can imagine. But you're handling it like a pro. I mean, look at you. You got this."

Mya smiled weakly. "Thanks. Some days I feel like I'm barely hanging on. It's like, I love her so much, but I wasn't ready for how hard it would be. I just want to make sure I'm doing everything right."

Layla walked over, placing Zaria back into Mya's arms and sitting beside her. "Listen, you're not alone. You got Jaylen, you got me, and you got your family. You're not expected to know everything right away. You're doing your best, and that's enough."

Mya looked down at Zaria, who was now dozing peacefully. "I guess I just thought it would come more naturally, you know? But I feel like I'm always second-guessing myself."

Layla rested a hand on her shoulder. "You're learning, Mya. And Zaria's still so little—she doesn't need you to be perfect. She just needs you to be her mom, and you're already killing it at that."

Mya felt a tear slip down her cheek. She hadn't allowed herself to admit how overwhelmed she really felt, not even to Jaylen. But sitting here with Layla, she realized she didn't have to carry it all alone.

"Thanks, Lay," Mya whispered, wiping her eyes. "I really needed to hear that."

Layla smiled, leaning back on the couch. "Girl, anytime. And you know I'll be here as much as you need me. You're not getting rid of me that easy."

Mya laughed softly. "I wouldn't want to."

That evening, after Layla had left and the house was quiet again, Mya sat on the porch with Jaylen, enjoying the warm night air. Zaria was finally asleep in her crib, and Mya was savoring the moment of stillness.

"How you feelin' now?" Jaylen asked, handing her a glass of water.

Mya sighed contentedly. "Better. Layla reminded me today that I don't have to have it all figured out. I've been putting so much pressure on myself."

Jaylen nodded, his eyes soft. "I'm glad she said that. I've been telling you the same thing. You don't have to do everything perfectly, Mya. We're learning as we go."

Mya looked over at him, feeling a surge of love for the man beside her. "I know. And I'm grateful for you, Jaylen. You've been incredible through all of this."

Jaylen smiled, reaching for her hand. "We're a team, baby. We've always been."

They sat in silence for a while, just taking in the night. Mya closed her eyes, feeling the gentle breeze on her skin, and for the first time in a while, she let herself relax fully. She had been holding on so tight, trying to keep everything under control, but now, with Jaylen beside her and Zaria sleeping peacefully inside, she realized it was okay to let go a little.

Motherhood wasn't about perfection. It was about showing up every day, even when she felt unsure, even when things didn't go as planned. And with Jaylen by her side, Mya knew she could handle whatever challenges lay ahead.

The future wasn't as clear as it once was, but in this moment, Mya felt like she was exactly where she was meant to be.

And that was enough.