Brides and Blacks

The Catalyst

"Do you want to come up?" They were sat in James' car outside Regulus's flat. The drive back from the sea was long and quiet, but not an awkward silence, a comfortable, familiar peace. The sun had started to go down, tinting the sky in shades of orange and yellow. He knew it would be dark out soon. For that and many other reasons, he probably shouldn't come up. "You ran out so fast last time you didn't finish your tea."

But it's Regulus. He's sweet, and he's real, and he's here. And he likes James so very much. And he hates the way he takes his tea but still offers to make it anyway. It sounds like a throwaway comment but James knows there's hurt behind it. The statement is filled with questions like 'Why did you run out so fast' and 'Why are you always running from me ?'.

They were valid questions and they deserved answers, but James didn't have them. At least, he didn't know if he should share them. He knew it could only lead to heartache, but maybe that was necessary. Maybe some things in life were designed to hurt. Those things couldn't be run from forever.

Another part of him, the vindictive and bitter part of him, thought Regulus should already know those answers. I mean, Merlin, how could he act so oblivious like that ? Like no part of him felt remorse. He'd never want to condemn Regulus to share in his puddle of guilt and shame, but shouldn't he have some of his own? How was it that James was the only one of the pair who thought about Dorcas, about Regulus, about their future? How was he so okay with throwing that all away for somebody like James?

He hated thinking that way. He hated the cruel and snarky parts of himself that blamed Regulus for his own actions. What the other man did in or outside the privacy of his marriage was not for James to judge. He was only judge, jury, and executioner of his own actions. And even though the executioner found joy in torturing James for his sins, that didn't mean he should wish that on Regulus. But God , was it hard not to.

He thought about what Regulus said days prior. ' Sometimes I think I know you and then suddenly it's like I don't '. Did he even know Regulus at all? The Reggie in his head, the one who made sugary cups of tea and listened to dusty records and wrote poetry in his downtime, how could that be the same Reggie who could cheat on his wife without an ounce of remorse? How could those two people be the same, combined, sitting across from him now? Was it really worth finding out?

"Yeah, sure. I'll come up." The small smile that crept across Regulus's features was confirmation enough for James. Regulus intertwined their fingers and dragged James by the hand up the flights of stairs leading to his flat. Any sign of protest was thrown out the window as soon as James noticed the sparks flying up his arm at the contact.

"Chez moi." Regulus announced upon entering the flat, leaving James behind as he started the kettle. His hands felt cold and empty, but he tried not to think about it. Instead focusing on rediscovering all the little trinkets and treasures that littered the other man's home.

"How could I forget," James smiled, "It looks like my grandfather's house in here." He pushed down on the metal key of a typewriter just to hear the crunch of gears when it sprung back up.

"Watch it. Don't insult the guy making the tea."

James laughed. "Are you implying you'd poison me?"

"I could." Regulus hummed, moving back to the living room with two warm mugs in hand. He passed one to James who immediately placed it down on a coaster since it was far too hot to even hold. "I'm pretty scary you know."

James rolled his eyes. "You are not scary. You've been hanging fairy lights and flowers all day."

Regulus feigned hurt, holding a hand to his heart as if in pain. "You don't like my work?". That was the farthest thing from what James meant.