Kenan Yildiz - Ex

Chp. 9

"I love you too."

I whisper as I feel his arms wrap around my waist from behind me. What does this mean? Are we dating again? Is that really it...? I want to ask him, but I can't bring myself to do it. Does this mean were back together?

I've never been more confused and conflicted, but I can't really bring myself to come to a conclusion right now. I'd rather spend my night in Kenans arms even if just for one night if that meant hope for more.

I mean he just gave me the best orgasm I've ever experienced but that never really guarantees anything in Kenans book...

Even then with all this uncertainty I still feel comfortable and safe in Kenans embrace. It's almost like he feels the same as me but doesn't make sense, cause he's the one who initiated this whole thing... right?

The whole: "I can give you a night full of pleasure you won't forget." And sure, he did, but what now...? What happens after? Do I just keep laying in his arms and pretend we have no further complications? Maybe I missed something...?

I suddenly feel Kenans grip tighten around my waist, and he pulls me back into his chest with a soft moan. I can tell by his yawn he's tired in contrast to me. Even if I tried my hardest to sleep I wouldn't be able to. Everything's so easy for him. Does his actions really how no other reasoning then that?

Just as I'm about to ask him he cuts me off, with something unexpected.

"Kenan- "

"I have a game in a couple of days, Bella. Will you be there?"

He asks in a calm tone, his words grazing my neck. Why does he care if I'm there or not? Maybe he's just making sure I won't attend... he sounds so casual, and it irritates me more than it should. Is it really that easy for him? I mean I bet it is, he's practically toying with me.

"I don't know."

I say with as little emotion as possible, out of spite for myself. I probably will be there besides Kenan's not the only one who I know on the team. But come on, I can't say yes just like that, I don't wanna sink that low, even though I probably have, I've just not realized it yet. Even then I never expected his next words.

"Please come Bella. I want you there. At my game. Hm?"

He says his voice raspy, still grazing my neck. He wants me there? I can't lie, that makes me so incredibly happy but also even more confused than I already was. But it really is my fault, I still haven't asked him once what he really wants, throughout the night. Technically he was clear but... I don't know. I feel like I'm just, running in circles...

"Fine... I'll be there."

I say cold and I feel Kenan place a feather light kiss on my neck. He mumbles something against my neck, but I'm too lost in my own thoughts too even understand any of his words.

I'm scared. I'm so so scared. I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what'll happen when I wake up. I'm scared of what'll happen at his upcoming game. I'm scared we'll keep running in circles. I'm scared of losing everything. I'm scared of losing Kenan.

"Goodnight baby..."

Kenan whispers with one finale kiss on my neck before he falls asleep, and I'm lost too myself all over again...

Time skip*

What did I expect...? Did I really think he would've kept me in his arms the whole night and woken me up with some freshly cooked eggs?

Of course not. Kenans was not that type of guy. Or maybe I wasn't worth it...

But I wanted to believe in those moments, that I mattered too him as much as he does to me. Instead, I was left with destroyed hope. But I need to get over it. Our relationship ended over two weeks ago. Just because we slept together doesn't change things. Definitely not for Kenan, considering he just left without saying anything or leaving a note.