Miss Yourself

Cosmic Karma

Nick's POV: 

I'm lying here in my sheets. Charlie's next to me fast asleep. Night is so polaris to day as the sky is completely clear. A billion stars cast their light onto what appears to be an enchanted forest. So much to think about. Hard to process. 

Suddenly I'm almost certain I'm not awake anymore. I'm lying on my back and I'm suspended in space. Time spins in the cosmos behind me. Why?

I'm cold. I realize I'm no longer wearing my clothes. What is this? 

What is that lovely sound? It feels like I'm being swallowed by the energy of light. It's cold and yet I'm being kissed by a thousand tiny lips that deliver momentary heat to my skin. As if every time Light from a star lands on my body I am, for a second, a planet in it's orbit. There's a billion suns in the infinite cosmos am I am but one Nick Nelson.

All of a sudden the spinning stops. Have you ever had the power go out in your home in the middle of the night? Your box fans, the ceiling fan, the motor on the AC unit outside your window they all stop at the same time? It's like the power in them stopped moving but they need time to catch up. The swoop, swoop, swooping, slows down and you lie there, in fear. 

Maybe it was just fear for me. You see, David got to escape a lot when we were boys. He was always off at aunt Diane's or grans. He didn't have to lie in fear each night as mum and dad fought. It used to be really bad. Broken glass, shouts of insults, sometimes they'd even drag me out of bed to divert some of the agony away from themselves and onto me. I'd get my ass beaten by dad, usually with the chain he used to keep Nelly tied up outside. 

So when the swirling of the fan stops there's no more sounds to protect you from what's outside the room. I'm not in a room. I'm a million miles away, deep in space, and I'm terrified that the fabric of the universe will split open and swallow whole. That the creator of all things will decide I'm not good enough for him and plunge me into eternal torture and pain. 

I'm scared, I'm cold, and I have a voice echoing in my head. 

"Oh God, it's over. Oh God, it's over. Oh God, it's over." There's a chemical released into your brain as you die. DMT, it's called. It's essentially like an ultracosmic high delivered to you with the foundation of religion or whatever. Memories surface that you forgot. 

It's Charlie. He's what I see. He's so kind and gentle. 

He's in a vortex, though. It's hard to compose words for him because he's slipping in and out of view so fast that I can't make any sense of what's happening to me. Until he's in my arms by the river. I don't have time to analyze how beautiful the fall is or how big the moon is. I can't ask myself why I'm suddenly here, by the flourishing greenery of spring or how I jumped time. 

It's awful because he's so thin and limp in my arms. His eyes are wet with tears and he's bleed out all over me. I'm soaked through my clothes with blood and I'm trying not to scream. He whispers to me. I listen. 

"Such a beautiful place. To be... with you. A lovely place... Nick. I do love you." He chokes out and blood slips out the sides of his mouth and I'm absolutely upended. 

"I love you too charlie. What- I can't- I..." I mumble.

He coos me and brings a bloody hand up to my face, "Shhhh. Just exist with me." 

Charlie's POV: 

I'm awoken in my bed by a sharp jostling. The sound that escapes my mouth is neither a scream nor a gasp but rather more like the sound of swallowing a bunch of different sounds at the same time. When I roll over I'm met with a most horrifying display.