Like autumn leaves

Here With Me

"I'm home," Winter called as he let himself into the house. Cadaver came pattering down the stairs to wind around Winter's legs, purring loudly. "Hello Caddie," he murmured, kneeling slightly to give him a scratch. "Let's get you some food."

"Hello, my love," Autumn greeted him as she walked down the stairs. He looked up at her, smiling. He was always caught off guard by the beautiful woman he had married. She looked so perfect, her hair cascading down her shoulders in red waves, her makeup done perfectly (although Winter thought she was beautiful with or without makeup), her outfit perfect. He had married a goddess. How had he gotten so lucky?

"Darling." His greeting was almost reverent. "How are you?"

Autumn smiled, but didn't reply; instead she asked, "Did you have a good day?"

"Not too bad. Three of the vlogger mums were in today. Apparently there's some sort of vlogger mummy competition going on."

Autumn rolled her eyes. "Really?"

"Yes." Winter toed off his shoes, setting them on the rug next to the door. "They're on a non-stop tear to produce the most content to win gift cards to something or other. But anyway they seem to be under the impression that because of this competition they can not only stick around, but that the no cameras rule doesn't apply to them."

"Of course they do. And I assume you told them where to go?"

"In not so many words." Winter smiled wryly. Caddie meowed loudly, pawing at Winter's foot, reminding him about the promised food. "Right, yes. Sorry Caddie. Dinner time."

*    *    *    *    *

"Morning Winter." Sorscha's smile was welcoming, but tinged with sadness. Winter tried not to think too hard about that.

"Sorscha. How's the morning been?"

"Oh, not too bad. No vlog children today, thankfully." Sorscha rolled her eyes. The kids were playing and not paying attention, leaving them to talk for a moment. "Honestly I don't understand those mums. Do they even have time to enjoy their kids?"

"You mean their content?" Winter rolled his eyes. "Probably not. But they're going to be famous one day. Then it'll all be worth it."

"I'm sure they believe that."

It was a relatively quiet morning, for which Winter was grateful. He loved his job (he loved his job, he loved his job) even when it was difficult, but sometimes he needed an easy day. Sorscha took first lunch since she was there before Winter, and then it was Winter's turn to take his break.

He'd barely finished eating when he heard Marjorie saying, "Hi Winter," as she approached the table and sat across from him. He looked up from his phone, raising an eyebrow.

"Marjorie. What entirely inappropriate question are you here to ask me today?"

She didn't take the sassy bait. "I just wanted to check in and see how're you doing. Reece said you haven't been answering his texts. And you know what that family's like — he'll never say he's worried, but he is."

"There's nothing to worry about," Winter said, turning his attention back to his phone. "I'm fine."

Marjorie gave him a sad smile. "I'm sure you are, but if you need anything..."

Winter sighed, knowing she wasn't going to let this go. She meant well, and he knew that. There was no reason for him to be rude to her when she only wanted to help. "I know, Marjorie. Thank you."

He was happy for the day to be over and to escape the weight of his coworkers' — his friends' — gazes. Just like Marjorie, they meant well. But no one knew what to say to Winter. And he was so tired of seeing the sympathy in their eyes.

"Why haven't you been answering Reece?" Autumn asked as soon as Winter was in the car.

"I always think I'll answer him later, and then it's too late."

Autumn rolled her eyes. "Reece takes days to answer a question about dinner plans. You being a few hours late won't register with him at all."

Winter started the car. He knew Autumn was right — she complained all the time about Reece taking forever to answer texts. But there was something else holding him back from responding to his brother-in-law. Something he couldn't explain, not even to the person who understood him best.

"I'll answer him next time he texts me."

*     *     *     *     *

Winter loved lazy Saturday mornings. He loved rolling over and seeing Autumn lying beside him, usually already awake and watching him sleep.

"Good morning, darling," he murmured, voice still heavy with sleep.

"My love."

The sun was already spilling into the room and across Autumn, lighting her up like the goddess she was. She smiled, but there was sadness in it as well — the same way everyone had been looking at Winter for weeks. He hated that smile. Even when it was on Autumn's face. Especially when it was on Autumn's face.

"I love you," he said quietly.

"I love you too," Autumn responded in kind. Her smile wasn't quite meeting her eyes. "Winter?"

"Yes?"

"When are you going to let me go?"

Winter blinked — and Autumn was gone. He stared at her side of the bed, still perfectly made like no one had slept there in a long time. He reached over to touch her pillow. It was cold.

Caddie meowed as Winter rolled out of bed, abandoning his sunspot to run around Winter's feet. He wasn't used to having to wait for his food. Autumn had an automatic feeder for him so he would always get his food at the same time. But the app for that was on her phone, which was gone, and Winter hadn't figured out how to work it yet. It was such a small thing that made him feel like the worst kind of failure.

He fed Caddie and went back upstairs to get dressed. The silence in the house was oppressive, but Winter hadn't been able to listen to music for awhile. He wasn't sure what was worse — the suffocating silence or the weight of the memories.

Winter hid a few treats around the house so Caddie could have a snack while he was gone, then left. The hospital wasn't too far from the house; even going slow, he was there within ten minutes. He sat in the parking lot for ten more minutes, preparing himself to go inside. He didn't like coming to the hospital during the week, because he inevitably would stay too long and not be able to work the next morning.

And he needed to keep going to work because he needed the distraction. He needed the people, no matter how much they drove him crazy. He needed the signs of life — something he wasn't getting at home anymore. Caddie was good company, but he was very much Autumn's cat. He spent most of the time moping around the house and crying in the middle of the night. He missed her. Winter understood that far too well.

He finally got out of the car and made his way into the hospital, straight to the elevator. He got off on the third floor and went to the fourth room on the left of the hallway. He walked into the room, taking his usual chair beside the bed and reaching for the cold hand resting on the edge in both of his own.

He searched her bruised face for any sign of life. There was none. There hadn't been any for a long time.

"Hello, darling."