Introductions (Prequel)

2E

Tevah

"Breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth. It will help you relax, and then you can concentrate and focus.

אתה מסתדר ממש טוב."

I breathe in through my nose, then out through my mouth, feeling each of my muscles and forcing them to relax.

It's okay. Just connect to the ground, find it.

"Now that you're relaxed, I want you to think of a flower. A simple one. Something small. Then, picture it as a seed, germinating, growing, petals blooming. You will force that process into the ground beneath your hands. Feel it pulse beneath you, and channel your life into the flower."

I concentrate, picturing the small seed of a pansy, remembering watching others grow them like they were meant to spring up so fast. I imagine pushing that picture into the ground, pushing myself; my body, my soul, my life; into the ground where this flower sprouts.

Except I feel nothing. I am distracted by the breeze that flips a strand of hair over my nape, by the slow breathing I hear from my instructor, the rustle of leaves from a nearby mammal. I am distracted by the stars and pictures dancing behind my eyes, my heartbeat light, but slow, my breathing getting heavier from trying to focus on the task at hand. The task at hand... what was the task?

Flower!

I open my eyes, and there is nothing but bare dirt beneath my hands, sweat crawling down my arms. I squeeze my eyes shut. I hear my instructor sigh.

"Keep practicing. We'll continue this tomorrow. I have other things to do."

I lean forward over my crossed legs, hands balling up into fists.

Why can't I just do it? Why can't I get it right? Why can't I focus?

I sigh, resisting the urge to scream, unballing my fists. Surely there is some way I can conjure up something from the Earth. I get up, running my fingers over any plant I can reach. I can feel their energy, their life forces, unable to reach them. As if it's in front of me, but not close enough to touch.

I grip a fern tightly out of frustration.

All these plants, all their energy, and I can't even touch it. I was born to be able to, and yet?

Nothing.

I rip the fern from the roots.