Restless Heart Syndrome

Chapter 6 My Lovenote Has Gone Flat

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."

~Anais Nin

Restless Heart Syndrome Chapter 6 My Lovenote Has Gone Flat

Alec's sides hurt, but not in an immediate way. It's an ache, something he's constantly rubbing at, hoping he can rub it away. It's just one of the changes he's found himself afflicted with.

He's also become somewhat of a neat freak, tidying up this and that. Organizing the couch pillows from smallest to largest, getting annoyed at Magnus's customers for tracking mud into the apartment. He remembers when Magnus used to get mad at him for the same reason, but he never really got just how annoying it was until recently. Maybe his cleanliness started because he wanted to make it up to Magnus for when he behaved awful, and about how he said he'd rather live and depend on a different warlock if he could. He doesn't want to anymore, not after thought.

He's been with Magnus at a near constant for the last three months, and though it can be depressing Alec doesn't dislike it. Magnus puts up with his moods, he keeps Alec alive in a less metaphorical sense than he used to. He'll magic in mouthwash when Alec's used the last of it up, something that happens at a much quicker rate than it did before Alec was vomiting so often. It's actually begun to decrease, how often Alec finds himself running for the toilet, but it still happens every now and then.

The Silent Brothers haven't visited him since that first time. Busy with Jace, and their attempt to rid him of the Heavenly Fire. It didn't work, so they're back to their books, ignoring the ill adult for the golden boy, the one with angel blood humming strong I his veins. Alec would be lying if he said he didn't expect such discrimination, but he's trying to stop lying. It's what got him into such a mess with Magnus in the first place, and he doesn't need a repeat of such an episode. Not that they can break up, or even stop getting along, because they're neither dating nor getting along.

They fight constantly, over the smallest things, and it's awkward to be around one another and not say anything. They're brewing their own apocalypses, and it would be something either one of Alec's siblings would love to watch in the cinema if it wasn't their brother playing one of the leads. But it is Alec playing the ill character who is shoved together with his ex-lover, both of whom want nothing, yet everything, to do with each other.

It's a bad predicament all around, especially with the anxiety of the Silent Brothers calling to have him moved weighing in Alec's mind.

Alec wants to make whatever he has with Magnus better, but he doesn't want to get hurt. Magnus just wants to forget about what he had with Alec and move on, but he can't. They're screwed, but not in the literal sense of the word. Maybe if they were screwing their problems would go away.

Alec's never been one much for mirrors, or at least not exuberantly so. Isabelle might have commented on this, or complained, but it wasn't something that had ever really changed. Alec was used to pulling on an oversized sweater and running a hand through his hair and then being out the door. He'd never felt an overwhelming urge to stare at his reflection for what seems like hours on end.

Now, though, he can hardly look away from the plate of glass that will show him the backward image of himself. Tilting his body from left to right, trying to get as many angles as possible, he stares at his body in the mirror. Sometimes he'll wear grey sweaters that used to be three sizes too baggy but are now only a size or so off. Sometimes he won't wear his shirt, and he'll gaze, transfixed, on the protruding skin of his abdomen. The skin isn't pale, like it used to be, but yellowy brown, similar to a healing bruise. It's ugly, the line that runs from the end of his sternum to his bellybutton. It cuts him in half, making him think it could be a prelude of what might be coming.