Restless Heart Syndrome

Chapter 10: A Matter of Time

"It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which will affect its successful outcome."

-William James

Restless Heart syndrome Chapter 10 A Matter of Time

Alec sighs, snuggling further into Magnus as he tucks himself as much as possible with his six-month pregnant belly into the couch. The Warlock is so… warm. It's nice, really nice, to feel the press of someone else against him after so long of being… well, alone. He doesn't even want to admit how much he's missed this. How much he's missed Magnus, despite living with him the whole time. He's just missed being like this, on a mucky day sitting around and pretending he doesn't have a permanent case of cabin fever.

He misses kissing Magnus, being held by Magnus, talking to Magnus... Oh Angel, how could he have gone so long without it? As he exchanges words that somehow mean more than just a series of sounds and ideas pressed through lips, he understands just a bit more of what it feels like to be on top of a miserable world. He feels like nothing can touch him. That today will be a good day. The first in a series of long, forgiving and healing weeks. Another chance to live his life. Angel, he even finds himself wanting the horrible little creature tucked up inside of him. It's his and Magnus's, he thinks, romanticizing it. It's theirs, and if he's practically lost to the Clave and Shadowhunting this better be damn worth it. It's not like he can actually get rid of it anyway, not with the web it's building inside of him.

"I've missed you," he admits, shifting under the warm blanket draped over them. It's nice... peaceful. Here, in this bubble of space and seemingly time with the love of his life, away from the perils of normal shadowhunter life, he can just live for the now and not blame anyone for the part where he'll be abandoned by everything he knows once he's had this baby. It's okay; he's okay.

"I've missed you, too," Magnus nods.

It had started too easily. But that's how most fights start, isn't it? Easily. Innocently. Of course, it's usually a build-up that leads to an explosion but sometimes you just start bickering and then you're not just bickering anymore, you're trying not to cry as the person you love most screams at you and you scream back even though you know it's not in your best interest, that you really don't want to be doing this but they're doing it too and you just can't help yourself even with that nagging voice digging in your head. Suddenly you're screaming your worst at each other.

It's not Magnus and Alec's first fight like this; they've had a couple, maybe even a few, started by one or the other or even Chairman Meow that one time. That wasn't a good day, and today was supposed to be a good day. Alec had predicted it. It was also Alec who spat the first insult. And instead of taking it, like Magnus sometimes would, like Alec sometimes would, he fired back. And it went on, their bodies coiling in on themselves as they fought over something of absolute irrelevance that immediately became of utmost importance.

Alec really needs to stop starting these things. It can't be a good thing for a relationship for them to fight this much. But they do fight this much, and it's horrible. Magnus always manages to get the last word in, though, and this time is no different as he yells one last time and leaves for the bedroom, fighting the urge to just walk out. But Alec's collapsed on the floor in the middle of the living room, and ignoring the shock of pain through his protruding, awful, horrible belly as he does so.

He sits there, holding his knees around the parasite, ignoring the waves of pain that flow over him as he sobs into himself. He's so weak. He shouldn't be crying like this; he's a shadowhunter, a man. He was never this emotional before Magnus fucking dumped this thing in him, quite literally. It's all Magnus's fault, they should have used a damn condom. Now he's swollen up like a pumpkin and alone with the monster that won't be going away for another three months. He can't do this, he doesn't want to do this. He wishes that this thing inside him were gone. He can't support it, not like he is, he'll have to start anew in the mundie world and relearn everything. He won't be able to get a good job because they Clave won't give him papers after they learn what an abomination he is, they won't help him and he won't be able to speak with Isabelle or Jace or even Maryse, though that really wouldn't change how much they see each other anyway. He's already been cast aside by his family. Maybe they can't help it, but right now Alec really doesn't care under the crushing sensation of loneliness.