Restless Heart Syndrome

Chapter 2 Nuclear Family

Alec, after his break-down on Isabelle, seems to be disappearing from the institute more and more. No one really knows where he is or what he's doing, least of all Alec himself, but the answer to the question Isabelle's asked him nearly a million times becomes somewhat clearer over dinner with the entire family, including a slightly glowing Jace, sans Robert, as he's still in Idris.

"I'm moving out," Alec says blandly over his hardly touched sweet and sour chicken. He's really not feeling the dish.

Maryse looks up from her own take-out, her eyebrows set in a stern and unforgiving manner. "You're doing no such thing."

"You're what?!" Isabelle screeches, jumping up and out of her chair as if to physically block him. If this is about Bane, of course it's fucking about the fucking warlock, she's going to have his head on his stake in front of the institute for display, accords be damned.

Jace merely raises an eyebrow in questioning. His Parabatai hasn't mentioned any such plans to him in training or when they see each other (which is never as of late, he realizes,), and it's kind of insulting, but he supposes that moving out does make sense on some level. He won't risk seeing Magnus when they need a warlock, and his brother will learn to take care of himself. Learn to be the adult he supposedly is. It's not like he hasn't said it a million times.

Alec sighs, and it's a heavy noise that lays thickly in the kitchen. He wants to throw up. He needs to get out. He needs to get out. "I'm moving out."

"No, no, no, you're not!" Maryse scolds, beginning to panic. Her oldest son, leaving the institute... Is he going to leave Shadowhunting, too? Like her brother did, for that silly mundie all those years ago?

Alec stands up, fighting a wave of nausea as he does, and turns to leave. "Nothing you can say will change my mind. I'm leaving. I... I just need some time alone."

"No, you're not!" The younger and older Lightwood women yell together.

Alec twists his body to face them, fighting the urge to empty the contents of his stomach, and smiles at them. It's not a sad smile, it's broken, a melancholy display of something eating out his heart. It flashes his desperation, highlighting his emptiness at a shocking velocity. It turns two protesting women silent, renders their minds blank and their mouths empty, their eyes fixed on his face like it's a death wish that they don't know what to do with. In a way, it is.

With a pained expression that's really just him resisting the urge to empty out his already hollow stomach, Alec speaks again, words that he knows his mother needs to hear. Maybe he just shouldn't be assed to do so, he's feeling so lazy, but he has to. This will allow him to go. "I'm not leaving Shadowhunting. Call me and I'll get here for what you need me, but I can't live here right now."

Alec leaves, slowly, trying to not further upset his body, but as soon as he knows he's out of sight he dashes to the nearest bathroom, vomiting in the off-white and paint-cracked toilet.

He collapses on the floor, his arms wrapped around the toilet seat like it's his lifeline, dull and stupid but not something he can let go of. The dull light casts dirty yellowing shadows over the white tiles, displaying the dents and imperfections like a grand showcase. The same light that casts gloom on the room strews his sickly skin as yellow and orange, ghostly and supernatural even to the world Alec doesn't choose to live in.

He doesn't know what he's doing. He knows it might be a bad idea to just leave like he is, but he doesn't care. He wants out. Out of stuffy rooms with stuffy memories, out of forever winding hallways that are emptier than the loneliness in his heart. He needs to get away from the lurking shadows that once made up his love life, away from the happy romance that his siblings and their partners would undoubtedly be bringing around to torture him with.