Restless Heart Syndrome

Chapter 1 Loss of Control

Hello, all! Okay, so I fiured it was time to finally get off my bum and post this, you know, before the next book comes out and destroys my little (not so much) story.

Firstly, I would like to address that this takes place after CoLS, and Alec escapes from the vampire brat, who is irrelevant to the story. Malec is broken up at his point, but Alec hasn't talked to anyone since it happened.

Also, disclaimer. Do you think someone like me would write something as horribly fluffy as TMI (Too Much Information)? Seriously. I couldn't if I tried. (I actually tried to write fluff the other day...) A lot of the inspiration for this came from its namesake, Green Day's Restless Heart Syndrome. Mostly the beginning of the song, mind you.

And fair warning. I am very cynical, and those of you who have/are read(ing) Danger Line know full well that I like to slide a bit of fluff in there and then completely obliterate it. This story is not full of easy times, and though Malec does get back together things aren't quite the same. There is illness of the body and heart, and this story makes me very proud. It's a bit out-there, but if you like Danger Line you'll probably like this. And vice versa. (Shameless promotion.)

Restless Heart Syndrome

Alec stares at the ceiling of his bedroom, completely oblivious to the world around him as yet another pathetic tear slides down his face. He's thinking abut nothing and everything all at once, about how his desire to actually get to know his boyfriend actually ended their relationship. About how he just wants to tell Magnus that he loves him. About how he shouldn't be this weak, that shadowhunters shouldn't be affected like this over anything. About how he could have saved himself all this pain and weakness if he had never let Magnus into his heart, never allowed himself to be gay. If he had never allowed himself to come out, all those painful splinters of subtle hate would never have been shoved gracelessly into his heart.

There's nothing better to think about when you're not thinking about anything.

He hasn't told anyone that he and Magnus broke up. He hasn't really talked to anyone in the two days since. He's hardly gotten out of bed, as whenever he does he feels slightly nauseous and has a desire to throw up. He hasn't, so far, gotten sick, but every time he makes a sudden move he wants to. His insides feel like they're slowly starting to burn, a feeling that's been at the pit of his stomach since he a bit after he started talking with Camille. He assumes it's guilt, now layered with added heartbreak.

With a barely there sigh Alec slowly tilts his head to look around his room, and he hates it. He still has the photos of him and Magnus, smiling and occasionally laughing in various parts of the world, some even taken in New York on a particularly sunny day. He doesn't want to see those photos, not now, not when Magnus has discarded him almost like he meant nothing to the warlock.

He knows he meant something to the warlock, at the very least, but not enough for Magnus to hear his apology, or even listen to his explanation. While the idea of making Magnus mortal was tempting, it wasn't really what Alec had wanted from Camille. He just wanted to know more about his boyfriend, whom never deemed him worthy to be told anything, apparently. Magnus was unfair, Alec made one mistake and it was all over, just gone. The half-demon who taught him to be true to himself wasn't true to him, didn't trust him.

Alec laughs bitterly, before he feels the wave of sickness wash over him again. This can't be just heartbreak, he shouldn't heart like this from a torn up heart. He'll have to get cold medicine eventually, he'll have to leave this room that holds so many memories of himself and Magnus. Sitting where Alec is now, talking, laughing, kissing...

Alec sits up, ignoring the wave of nausea. He has to get out of this room. He can't live here anymore. He can't live in this swirl of Magnus, he can't breathe the stuffy air of his room because there's still the faint trace of his boyfriend-ex boyfriend at that, one he really doesn't want to think about right now while simultaneously wants to think about with his undecided attention.