toy car ; hyunlix

012. 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝖻𝖾 𝖺𝖿𝗋𝖺𝗂𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗌.

felix tugged at the sleeves of the hoodie hyunjin had given him, letting the fabric cover most of his hands. the familiar weight of the heart-shaped locket under the hoodie pressed lightly against his chest, grounding him. he kept it hidden, just like so much of himself, but it gave him a small sense of comfort. his fingers absently brushed the locket now and then, the name inside—felix—reminding him of the one person who truly saw him. the toy car rested in his pocket, its edges worn smooth from constant fidgeting.

the school day passed much like the others. felix kept to himself, drifting through classes and avoiding too much attention. hyunjin sat beside him during lessons, their shared quietness a comfort. though they didn’t talk much, hyunjin's presence was reassuring. when other kids glanced their way or whispered in the halls, felix could sense hyunjin’s calm, solid presence next to him, a silent form of support.

at lunch, felix kept to the sidelines as usual. he sat in his usual spot, fiddling with the toy car hidden in his pocket. the car’s small weight reminded him of quieter times, back when life felt simpler. his thoughts flickered between the necklace around his neck, the hoodie he wore, and how out of place he felt everywhere else. school was just another place he existed in, floating along, unnoticed.

when the bell rang at the end of the day, hyunjin walked with him toward the gates. felix glanced at him, unsure if he should say something. he wanted to invite hyunjin over—just to avoid home for a bit longer—but he didn’t. he couldn’t.

"you okay?" hyunjin asked, his voice low.

"yeah," felix mumbled, looking away, his fingers gripping the strap of his backpack.

"you sure?" hyunjin pressed, but not in a pushy way. just checking.

felix nodded, not trusting himself to say more. when they reached the gates, he hesitated for a moment before saying goodbye, watching hyunjin walk in the other direction before heading home.

the house was loud when felix walked in. his little brother and sister were running around, their voices high-pitched and excited. his mom was in the kitchen, cooking, while his dad sat at the table, scrolling through his phone.

“there you are, felicia,” his mom called from the stove. “we’re having dinner soon, don’t disappear.”

felix bit his lip and muttered, “okay,” before heading to his room. he hated how his parents still called him that—felicia. it didn’t feel like his name. it wasn’t him. the weight of the locket under his hoodie felt heavier now, as if it was pushing back against the name that didn’t belong to him.

he shut the door behind him, sinking onto the bed. his room was the only place where he could retreat from the constant reminder of who he was expected to be. he took the toy car out of his pocket, running his thumb along its smooth edges. the little car had been with him for so long, it was like an extension of him. just like the hoodie and the locket, it was a small piece of himself he could hold onto when everything else felt like it was slipping away.

outside his room, the sounds of dinner being prepared filled the air—pots clanking, his siblings giggling, his parents talking in low voices. felix felt a pang of guilt for not joining them, but he couldn’t bring himself to face them right now. the misgendering, the way they looked at him like they didn’t understand—it all weighed on him.

eventually, there was a knock at the door. his mom poked her head in. “felicia, come on, it’s time for dinner.”

he stood up slowly, slipping the toy car back into his pocket, and followed her out. at the table, his siblings were already seated, chattering excitedly about something from school. his dad glanced up from his phone as felix sat down.

“you’ve been quiet today,” his dad remarked.

felix shrugged, keeping his eyes on his plate. “just tired.”

“you should get outside more,” his mom added, setting a dish in the center of the table. “you spend too much time in your room.”

felix didn’t respond, just nodded slightly, waiting for the conversation to move on. they didn’t notice how tense he was, how much he hated sitting at that table, feeling like an outsider in his own home. his little brother, jacob, made a comment about the hoodie.

“that’s a big hoodie for you,” jacob said, grinning. “you look like you’re wearing a tent.”

his sister, olivia, giggled, and their mom gave a small laugh too. “it is a bit oversized for you, felicia,” she said. “where did you get it?”

“a friend,” felix muttered, tugging the sleeves further over his hands.

“you should wear something that fits you better,” his dad added. “you always used to love wearing dresses, remember?”

felix clenched his jaw. “i don’t want to wear dresses anymore.”

his dad frowned, but didn’t push further. the rest of the dinner passed in awkward silence for felix, though his siblings kept talking and laughing like nothing was wrong. he ate quietly, avoiding eye contact, waiting for it to be over.

afterward, felix slipped back into his room, closing the door behind him. he sat on the edge of the bed, pulling the necklace out from under his hoodie. he held the locket in his hand, opening it and staring at the name inside. felix. it was a small comfort, knowing that someone saw him for who he was, even if his family didn’t.

he lay back on the bed, clutching the locket in one hand and the toy car in the other. the noise of his family continued outside, but in here, in this small space, he could just be felix. even if no one else understood.

and that was enough, for now.