ALMOST THERE

CHAPTER 29: He'd be on his knees...

Jealousy, Jealousy - Olivia Rodrigo
🏀💌🫀🥀🖤

It was Wednesday, and the air at school felt heavy, like a brewing storm that no one could see but me. I found myself sitting on the concrete boundaries of the flower beds (which were not supposed to be sat on), watching Shahaan from a distance. He and the boys would be at field the whole day, preparing for their P.Ed practicals.

He was with Shifa again, her laughter ringing out like wind chimes, light and carefree, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

I watched her jump, sending the ball right through the basket, effortlessly, like she could do it in her sleep. I watched as she threw her hands up in victory so did the others.

So did Shahaan. He smiled-just a small, amused smile-but it still felt like a punch to my gut.

I wasn't mad. Not at him, not really. How could I be? They were childhood friends, after all. They had years of memories together, probably inside jokes I couldn't begin to understand.

"Trouble in paradise?" Hamza's voice cut through my thoughts as he walked out of the sports equipment closet, a basketball in his hand.

"Nah, I'm good," I lied, flashing a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes.

He nodded, then glanced at Shahaan and Shifa. "It's about her isn't it?"

"What? No," I blurted out but it came out too quick, to urgent. I wasn't sure if it was annoyance or jealousy creeping up, but I swallowed it down like a bitter pill. "She's a good friend from what it looks like, with everyone now. You, Mizan, Adil... everyone. Even we had a conversation yesterday."

That wasn't a conversation. She asked me where Shahaan was. And I lied and told her he went to the library, when he was actually on the field. Call me a bitch but... I can't seem to find the motivation to care at this point.

Hamza shrugged, taking a bite of his sandwich. "Well, that's Shifa for you. Always the social butterfly. But you know Shahaan-he's not that easily swayed."

"I know," I replied quickly, defensively even. "I just... I don't know." My voice trailed off as I found myself staring at them again, Shahaan and Shifa still talking.

It wasn't like he had stopped talking to me. He still checked in, still gave me that playful smirk when we crossed paths. But something had shifted, and I hated that I even noticed it.

Hamza sighed, leaning against the railing beside me. "If it bothers you that much, talk to him. He'd probably appreciate knowing what's going on in your head."

"What am I supposed to say? 'Hey, I'm feeling weird because Shifa's around you guys all the time now'? That sounds batshit ridiculous."

"Not really," he said, glancing at me. "You're his best friend, Saysha. It's not weird to feel left out, you know. And also, you mean more to him than you can ever fathom."

I let out a small, half-hearted laugh. "I'm not left out. I'm giving them space."

He raised an eyebrow. "Space?"

"Yeah. Childhood friends and all that," I mumbled, more to myself than to him. "I mean, I don't want to come off as a jealous insecure asshole."

Hamza didn't say anything for a moment, just watched me with this knowing look that made me uncomfortable. "Sometimes, giving too much space means losing your own, Saysha."

Before I could respond, a shout came from across the courtyard, and at the same time, I heard Divisha's shrill voice behind me as she approached in skipping steps. And for a split second I noticed Hamza's gaze falter, as it landed on her. But he blinked and, it was gone.