Me Or Volleyball

Chapter 3- Spike and Secrets

The weeks that followed settled into a painful rhythm. Each day, I found myself drawn back to the gym, unable to stay away despite the growing ache in my chest. The polished floor gleamed under the harsh fluorescent lights, a stark contrast to the shadows where Hinata and I stole our moments.

Practice was a study in contradictions. Hinata soared across the court, his movements a blur of orange and black, each spike a testament to his single-minded devotion to the sport. I watched, my heart swelling with pride and breaking simultaneously, as he pushed himself harder and harder.

"Nice receive!" Daichi's voice boomed across the gym as Hinata deftly handled a particularly tricky serve from Asahi.

Hinata beamed, his smile radiant. For a moment, our eyes met, and I saw a flicker of that possessive heat that never failed to make my breath catch. But as quickly as it appeared, it vanished, replaced by cool indifference as he turned back to his teammates.

The rest of the team had settled into an uneasy silence about the incident from weeks ago. Occasionally, I'd catch Suga or Daichi watching me with concern, but they never broached the subject. Nishinoya, chastened by Hinata's harsh response, had dropped his teasing entirely.

As practice wound down, I gathered my things, preparing for the now-familiar routine. I'd leave first, making my way to our hidden spot behind the equipment shed. Hinata would follow a few minutes later, after making a show of extra practice with Kageyama.

"Heading out, Y/N?" Yachi asked, her voice gentle. She'd been especially kind lately, though I could see the questions burning in her eyes.

I nodded, mustering a smile. "Yeah, got some studying to do. Great practice, everyone!"

As I slipped out, I felt Hinata's gaze burning into my back. The anticipation of our stolen moment warred with the growing frustration in my gut.

The cool evening air was a relief after the stuffy gym. I leaned against the rough wall of the equipment shed, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. The sound of approaching footsteps made my heart race, a conditioned response I wasn't entirely proud of.

"You're still here," Hinata's voice was low, a mixture of relief and possessiveness that sent shivers down my spine.

I opened my eyes to find him standing closer than I expected, his amber eyes intense in the fading light. "Of course I am," I replied, unable to keep a hint of bitterness from my voice. "I'm always here, aren't I?"

Hinata's brow furrowed, a flash of guilt crossing his features before being replaced by that stubborn set to his jaw I'd come to know so well. "Y/N," he murmured, closing the distance between us. "You know I-"

"Care about me?" I finished for him, the words tasting sour on my tongue. "But not enough to acknowledge me in front of the team? Not enough to let me be more than a secret?"

His hands clenched at his sides, frustration evident in every line of his body. "It's not that simple," he insisted. "Volleyball is everything to me. I can't risk-"

"Risk what, Hinata?" I interrupted, weeks of pent-up hurt and anger finally boiling over. "Risk the team finding out you have feelings? Risk them seeing you as more than just a volleyball machine?"

For a moment, genuine hurt flashed across Hinata's face. Then, with a growl of frustration, he surged forward, pinning me against the wall with a kiss that was all fire and desperation. Despite myself, I melted into it, my hands fisting in his practice jersey.

When we broke apart, both breathing heavily, Hinata rested his forehead against mine. "You're mine," he whispered fiercely. "You know that, right? No matter what happens out there, you're mine."

I closed my eyes, fighting back tears. "But am I, Hinata? Really? Because it feels like I'm always second to volleyball. Always waiting in the shadows while you shine on the court."

Hinata pulled back slightly, his expression a mixture of confusion and determination. "But... that's how it has to be," he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Volleyball is my dream. I can't let anything get in the way of that. Not even... not even this."

The finality in his tone felt like a physical blow. I pushed him away gently, suddenly feeling very tired. "I can't keep doing this, Hinata," I whispered. "I can't keep being your secret, your afterthought. I deserve more than stolen moments and public indifference."

Panic flashed in Hinata's eyes. "What are you saying?" he demanded, reaching for me again. "You can't... you're not leaving, are you?"

I stepped back, out of his reach. "I don't know," I admitted, my voice shaky. "I just know I can't keep living like this. It hurts too much."

For a long moment, we stood there in silence, the growing darkness a fitting backdrop to the chasm widening between us. Finally, Hinata spoke, his voice small and uncertain. "What... what do you want me to do?"

I looked at him then, really looked at him. The boy who'd captured my heart with his boundless enthusiasm and determination. The boy who now stood before me, torn between his dreams and his feelings. "I want you to choose, Hinata," I said softly. "All of me, or none of me. I can't live in these shadows anymore."

Without waiting for a response, I turned and walked away, each step feeling like lead. I half-expected, half-hoped to hear Hinata call out, to feel his hand on my arm pulling me back. But there was only silence, broken by the distant sound of a volleyball hitting the gym floor.

As I made my way home, the sky darkening to a deep indigo, I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd just set something irrevocable in motion. The ball was in Hinata's court now. All I could do was wait and see if he'd spike it back to me, or if our game was finally, painfully, over.