Me Or Volleyball

Chapter 8- The Lingering Ache

The crisp autumn air bit at my cheeks as I made my way to school, each step feeling heavier than the last. Two months had passed since my resignation from the volleyball team, but the weight of that decision still pressed down on me, a constant reminder of what I'd lost.

As I approached the school gates, a flash of orange caught my eye. My heart lurched painfully in my chest as I spotted Hinata in the distance, laughing with Kageyama. The sight of him, so carefree and vibrant, sent a fresh wave of hurt washing over me. I quickly ducked my head, hoping to avoid being seen.

"Y/N!" Yachi's voice cut through my spiral of emotions. I plastered on a smile as she jogged up to me, her blonde hair bouncing with each step.

"Morning, Yachi," I managed, hoping my voice didn't betray the turmoil inside.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her brow furrowing with concern. "You look a little pale."

I nodded, perhaps a bit too quickly. "Just didn't sleep well," I lied. The truth was, I rarely slept well these days, my dreams haunted by what-ifs and could-have-beens.

As we walked to class, I couldn't help but steal glances at Hinata. Each time I saw him, it felt like reopening a wound that refused to heal. The halls that I once navigated with excitement now felt like a minefield, each turn potentially bringing me face to face with the boy who had unknowingly shattered my heart.

The morning dragged on, each class blurring into the next. I found myself staring out the window more often than at the blackboard, my mind replaying memories of stolen moments with Hinata - his bright smile, the warmth of his hand, the sound of his laughter. It was torture, but I couldn't seem to stop.

Lunch brought its own challenges. The cafeteria was a battlefield of emotions, with Hinata and the volleyball team occupying their usual table. I sat with Yachi, picking at my food without much appetite.

"Hey," Yachi said softly, pulling me from my thoughts. "A bunch of us are going for ice cream after school. Want to join?"

My first instinct was to refuse. The thought of being around Hinata in a social setting made my stomach churn. But the concern in Yachi's eyes made me hesitate. Maybe... maybe this could be a step towards healing?

"I... I'll think about it," I said finally.

The rest of the day passed in a haze. Before I knew it, the final bell was ringing, and I found myself standing at the school gates, my heart pounding as I waited for the others.

"Y/N! You came!" Yachi's excited voice rang out. I turned to see her approaching with a group that included Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, and... Hinata.

Our eyes met, and the world seemed to stop. The familiar ache in my chest intensified, stealing my breath. Hinata offered a small, tentative smile, and it took everything in me to return it with a weak nod.

The walk to the ice cream shop was a blur. I found myself at the edge of the group, half-listening to conversations that seemed to be happening a million miles away. Every laugh, every animated gesture from Hinata felt like a knife twisting in my gut.

At the shop, I sat as far from Hinata as I could manage, focusing intently on my melting sundae. The cheerful chatter around me felt discordant with the storm of emotions raging inside.

"So, Y/N," Tsukishima's voice cut through my thoughts. "How's life outside of volleyball?"

I looked up, caught off guard. "It's... different," I managed, my voice sounding hollow even to my own ears.

"Y/N joined the literature club," Yachi chimed in, clearly trying to help. "She's an amazing writer!"

I felt my cheeks heat up, both from embarrassment and from the sudden attention. Especially when I noticed Hinata looking at me with interest.

"That's so cool, Y/N!" he said, his eyes bright. "You always did have a way with words."

His compliment, once something that would have made my heart soar, now felt like salt in an open wound. I mumbled a thanks, quickly dropping my gaze back to my sundae.

As the afternoon wore on, I found myself retreating further into my shell. Each burst of laughter, each animated story shared felt like a reminder of what I was missing, of the world I had stepped away from.

When it was finally time to leave, I felt a mix of relief and renewed sadness. As we said our goodbyes outside the shop, Hinata approached me.

"It was really good to see you, Y/N," he said softly. "I've... I've missed having you around."

His words, so sincere and gentle, broke something inside me. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I quickly turned away. "I... I have to go," I choked out, barely managing to keep my composure.

I hurried away, ignoring Yachi's concerned call. It wasn't until I was several blocks away that I let the tears fall freely. The pain I'd been trying so hard to push down came rushing to the surface, leaving me gasping for air between sobs.

As I walked home under the darkening sky, I felt utterly drained. My phone buzzed with messages - probably Yachi checking on me - but I couldn't bring myself to look at them.

The truth I'd been trying so hard to avoid hit me with full force: I wasn't over Hinata. Not even close. The dream of moving on, of finding a new path, suddenly felt impossibly far away.

I collapsed onto my bed, hugging my pillow tight as fresh tears fell. My story, the one I was living, wasn't one of easy healing or quick recovery. It was messy, painful, and raw.

And as I drifted off into an uneasy sleep, one thought echoed in my mind: How do you move forward when your heart refuses to let go?