Me Or Volleyball

chapter 6- Shattered Illusions

The tension that had been building over the past week finally reached a critical point on a rain-soaked Tuesday afternoon. The steady drumming of raindrops against the gym's roof created a somber backdrop to what would become a pivotal moment in my relationship with Hinata.

Practice had been particularly intense that day. With the Spring High preliminaries looming, Coach Ukai had the team running drill after grueling drill. I watched from my usual spot, noting how Hinata seemed to be pushing himself even harder than usual, his jumps more powerful, his spikes more ferocious.

But there was something off about his play. The seamless coordination he usually shared with Kageyama was fractured, their quick attacks missing more often than not. Frustration radiated off both of them in waves.

"Dumbass Hinata!" Kageyama yelled after another failed spike. "What's wrong with you? You're not focusing at all!"

Hinata landed hard, his face a storm of emotions. "I am focusing!" he shot back, his voice cracking slightly. "Maybe your toss was off!"

The gym fell silent, everyone shocked by Hinata's uncharacteristic outburst. Even Kageyama looked taken aback.

"Alright, that's enough," Coach Ukai intervened, his voice stern. "Take five, everyone. Cool your heads."

As the team dispersed for a water break, I couldn't help but notice how Hinata isolated himself, sitting alone in a corner of the gym. Without thinking, I found myself walking towards him, a towel and water bottle in hand.

"Here," I said softly, offering him the items. "You should stay hydrated."

Hinata looked up, surprise flickering across his features before being replaced by that now-familiar mask of indifference. "Thanks," he muttered, taking the water but not the towel.

An awkward silence fell between us. I was acutely aware of the eyes of the team on us, everyone pretending not to watch this rare interaction.

"Hinata," I started, my voice barely above a whisper. "I think we need to talk-"

"Why?" he cut me off, his tone bitter. "Shouldn't you be talking to Suga-san instead?"

The hurt in his voice was palpable, and it sparked something in me-a mixture of frustration and determination that had been building for days.

"That's it," I said, my voice stronger now. "We're sorting this out. Now."

Before he could protest, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him to his feet. Ignoring the startled looks from the team, I marched us both out of the gym and into the rain.

The cold drops shocked me back to reality as soon as we stepped outside. What was I doing? But it was too late to turn back now.

I led Hinata to the sheltered area behind the equipment shed-our old meeting spot. The irony wasn't lost on me.

"Y/N, what are you-" Hinata started, but I cut him off.

"No, you're going to listen to me," I said, surprising myself with the firmness in my voice. "This has gone on long enough. You think I've moved on? That I have feelings for Suga-san?"

Hinata's eyes widened, a mix of confusion and hope flickering across his face. "But... I saw you two together. You looked so happy, and he was touching your shoulder, and-"

"He was being a friend, Hinata," I interrupted, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes. "A friend when I needed one because the person I really wanted to be with was too afraid to acknowledge me in public!"

The words hung between us, heavy with the weight of weeks of unspoken feelings. Hinata looked stunned, his mouth opening and closing without sound.

"I never moved on," I continued, my voice softening. "How could I? My heart has been yours since that day you first spiked past the tallest blockers. But I couldn't... I can't keep living in the shadows, Hinata. It hurts too much."

For a moment, hope bloomed in my chest as I saw the conflict in Hinata's eyes. But then, to my dismay, his expression hardened.

"Y/N," he said, his voice strained. "I... I can't. Volleyball is everything to me. It's my dream, my future. I can't risk anything getting in the way of that, not even... not even us."

His words hit me like a physical blow. I stumbled back, the rain mingling with the tears now freely falling down my face.

"So that's it?" I whispered, my voice breaking. "I'm just a distraction to you?"

Hinata reached out, then seemed to think better of it, his hand falling limply to his side. "That's not what I meant. You're important to me, Y/N. But right now, with the preliminaries coming up... I need to focus. I can't divide my attention."

I laughed bitterly, the sound harsh even to my own ears. "You don't get it, do you? I'm not asking you to choose between me and volleyball. I'm asking you to let me be part of your world, all of it. Not just hidden away like some dirty secret."

"I'm sorry," Hinata said, and the genuine pain in his voice only made it hurt more. "I just... I can't. Not right now."

As we stood there, the rain falling around us, I felt something inside me break. The hope I'd been clinging to, the dream of Hinata finally acknowledging our relationship, shattered like glass.

"I understand," I said finally, my voice hollow. "Good luck in the preliminaries, Hinata. I hope it's worth it."

Without waiting for a response, I turned and walked away, leaving Hinata standing alone in the rain. As I made my way back to the gym, I could hear the team's voices, their laughter and chatter a stark contrast to the storm raging inside me.

I paused at the gym entrance, taking a deep breath to compose myself. As I stepped inside, Suga looked up, concern etched on his face as he took in my rain-soaked appearance and red-rimmed eyes.

"Y/N?" he asked gently. "Are you okay?"

I forced a smile, even as I felt my heart crumbling in my chest. "I'm fine, Suga-san. Just got caught in the rain."

As I made my way back to my spot on the bench, I caught sight of Hinata slipping back into the gym, his expression unreadable. Our eyes met for a brief moment, and I saw a flicker of regret in his gaze before he quickly looked away.

In that moment, I made a decision. If Hinata couldn't make room for me in his world, then maybe it was time I found a new world of my own. One where I wasn't relegated to the shadows, waiting for scraps of attention.

As practice resumed, the sound of volleyballs hitting the court a rhythmic counterpoint to my racing thoughts, I began to plan. The Spring High preliminaries were coming up, yes. But so were a lot of other things. College applications. Career choices. A future that suddenly seemed wide open, if only I had the courage to reach for it.

I watched Hinata soar for another spike, his form perfect, his focus absolute. And for the first time, instead of admiration, I felt a twinge of something else. Determination, perhaps. Or maybe just the first stirrings of moving on.

The game wasn't over. But the rules had changed, and I was ready to start playing for myself.