Infinite Shades of Him (bxb)

9. Repeat that for me?

"Atlas."

I was crowded against the corner of the bed, my knees to my chest as I cried my heart out. Atlas was in front of me. I saw the sheer look of devastation in his eyes the longer I examined him. I wanted to move toward him, but I knew this was a memory. My canvas was unblurred now. I could see him. 

"Atlas." I cried helplessly. "Atlas."

It was as if he couldn't hear me, and maybe it was because I wasn't playing it out like a memory. I waited for the usual lines. The ones I had branded into my heart. The longer I looked at him, waiting for him to say it, the more I cried my eyes out at the sight of him. He looked so destroyed as he crouched there, shedding tears over the state I was in.

He didn't make a move to touch me. "You're safe. I promise I'll do everything possible to keep you safe." Atlas spoke the words I'd been hearing in my dreams for over two years. "You're the color, Moon. You've always been the color, and whenever you're ready, I promise you that you'll always be my color."

I cried even more, seeing the words come out of Atlas's mouth. I couldn't breathe. Why was he saying those things to me? They were so comforting. So warm. All the while, he looked like he was breaking apart on the inside while he tried to hold himself together. 

"Atlas."  

"I'm here, my Moon. I'm not going anywhere."

I unraveled my arms from around my legs and crawled across the bed. Atlas remained where he was, and I realized that I could move. I could move now. I had control. I wanted to hug him. There was so much pain on his face, and I wanted to wipe it away, but I knew it wouldn't do any good inside of a dream.

I reached for him, but he was gone. I screamed, hopping off the bed as I turned in circles to try and find him. "Atlas! Atlas, come back!"

The control I had was ripped away from me, and I was set right back in front of that house once again—a continuation of the last dream I had here. I didn't know what was going on. I felt restless. The laughter and dog barking in the backyard were louder than they usually were, and they were digging into my brain. 

"Atlas!"

I took a step forward toward the house in my search for him. Until I realized that I took a fucking step forward. Then another. I took several steps until I was standing at the bottom of the porch, looking at the front door. I couldn't go any further. But I walked. I walked forward when I hadn't been able to before. 

"Atlas!"

Atlas materialized on the porch, making me jump back a step. "Come on, Miles."

I shook my head. "I can't go any further."

"You're almost there."

He turned to walk toward the front door again, and I felt like I was back in a nightmare. "No, Atlas! No! Don't leave me out here!"

Atlas stopped, throwing me a look over my shoulder. "Miles!"

I jumped at the sheer volume of his voice as his face morphed into fear. "Atlas! Wait. Wait. Wait. Don't leave me out here!" I said as he began walking away. "Atlas!"

"Miles! I'm right here!" He turned and looked distraught, and it didn't make any sense. "Miles!"

The panic in his voice was scaring me. "Atlas, please."

"Miles, come on, wake up for me. Wake up." 

My eyes instantly popped open as I tried to catch my breath. I sunk back into my pillows when I saw Atlas hovering above me with a petrified look on his face. He blinked it away before he put a hand on my cheek, and I'd never been more grateful to feel the coolness. My eyes closed as I tried to breathe through my fucking panic attack.