Live it

21🌩️🏭🫸🏼

Alessio

i don't know where the fuck i am and it is seriously putting me on edge.

its morning and I'm currently lying in the middle of a field with an old industrial building in front of me. i can't remember jack shit from last night except when i went to bed after Vincent and Ana talked about her kids and how they will be living with us.

the building doesn't look like its in use because of all the cracks in the exterior with all the weeds and high grass surrounding the perimeter. quiet honestly it looks like a place people would say is abandoned and haunted.

the sky starts to rumble and the clouds are turning greyer and greyer by the second. the building would be my best bet for shelter but i can't move. I'm telling my arms and legs to work buts they're not moving.

if that didn't concern me than the quick crack of thunder with the purple flash of purple would. i seriously need to move. 

i don't know what i took but it defiantly not something i have taken before. i used to dabble in some when it was tough. i became a full on alcoholic and druggy, mostly an alcoholic. i did some weed and some downers, never uppers.

it was stressful living in that group home. without Athena or apollo to help and keep me on the straight and narrow I went of the rails. i had to work low income jobs because the old cow never put food in the fridge and always took the money than the government gave her to get a quick fuck, everyone knows that all the money would only pay for one man.

when ever i was fired because i couldn't get to work on time i would pick up odd jobs, and one of those included being a drug dealer. its was easy money as long as you didn't get caught. i would sell the pills  or powder and then split the costs with the boss man, known as the fat man because all you would see him do was eat.

the pills would sell faster than the powder so i never carried it around unless it was specifically asked for. 

in the area the group home was located in was a hot spot for stoners and the druggies that attended my high school. and one of the plus sides was i would get a discount on some of the downers like Xanax.  

being in my situation wasn't the best i know that and i do regret somethings that i did but back there it was something that helped. most people would say that i didn't need the drugs or the alcohol, but i did.

downers helped me relax and not have to think of everything and help me sleep. people say that they only have a little voice in there head that is like the devil and angle on your shoulders but for me there not whispering, they're shouting and screaming at me that I've done something wrong and that i failed my siblings and how i will never be good enough and I'll die along.

i don't want to die alone. it scares me like it does to everyone because you will have no one there if your suffering from old age or sickness. what if I'm the last of my siblings, friends and family, no one will be there to carry my casket and no one will be at my funeral but I'll be at there's.

death its self doesn't scare as much as dying old. i would happily jump in front of a gun for innocent people, if i knew them or not, and accept death with open arms. but death by old age i can't stomach that.

what if i don't find a partner to spend my life with or have kids with. people joke about being the old person with loads of cats. its scary having no one to hold your hand. before i went to the home i had Athena and apollos hand to hold then they were taken from me. that shattered me but i managed to cope with it because i knew we would find each other. 

now? 

now i don't know what to do because my brothers and father say that they are there and they have shown that they are here for us but what if they don't help when i need it the most or they find out about my alcoholism and aren't there for me.

I'm finally able to wiggle a toe when a flash of lightning strikes just on the edge of the tree line. that jump starts my legs into working. i bolt it to the building, when i reach there's a wire fence blocking my way.

i go to test my luck and hop the fence as fast as i can before the fence gets struck with lightning. we all know how that would go for me i would become a human kebab. 

luckily i make it over without getting fried. i make the trek up to the building fast and jump through a broken window close to the ground which wasn't the best idea since its wasn't a low window but a high window for the basement.

fuck my life.

landing on the ground wasn't as harsh as i expected but landing on my ankle the way i did. god life won't give me a damn break.

fucken bitch, i think i broke my ankle but it could also be a sprain. honestly with my luck i doubt I'm going to make it through the storm without hurting myself further.

it took a bit but i make my way to the door by hanging onto the wall. i walk down the corridor when it occurs to me that i have no idea of when i am. making my way up the first set of stairs was trick.

once i got to the second floor I made my way to the window to see if i have to make the trek up to the third floor of not. on the way to the window i came across a metal pipe that is almost the size of a crutch just a bit higher.

using that to steady myself i make it to the window. i can't see shit all , guess i have to go up to the third floor.

at the base of the stairs about to take the first step i hear voices. i decide that its safer to see if these people are friend or foe first before deciding to approach. 

when i look onto the first flood threw the big hole in the floor. i can't see anyone yet but their voices are getting closer. i edge my way closer.

staring straight down I'm to focused on the voices to notice someone behind me and when they push me I'm to late to react.

I'm falling. 

i turned so my back was facing the floor.

 i see a hooded figure.

i crash into wood flooring 

breaking the floor and falling through to the basement.

i hit my head.

i hear the voices, they're closer and more frantic.

my eyelids are heavy.

I'm struggling to keep them open.

the voices are now next to me 

there's a girl, she's looking over me, she's frantic, she's shouting, she's beautiful.

i turn my head ever so slightly and see a girl crying, bitch I'm probably dying and your crying, and a guy seeming panicked and is on the phone.

its getting harder to stay awake

...

I'm being put onto a stretcher.

...

there's bright white lights pashing by.

...

 I'm on a bed of sorts with people shouting

i can't make out what there saying.

...

...

...

its just dark, all dark. 

I don't want to die alone, please, please i just want to see my siblings i don't want to die without them.

please.

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Enjoy.