Love, Take it Off

FOUR

"Hindi ka tatakbo?"

Mahina akong napailing.

Hindi ako makagalaw.

Hindi ako makapag-isip nang mabuti.

Not when she stood directly in front of me, completely oblivious of the chaos she did. Or did she? Is she planning or did she planned to kill that man?

"Come here," she commanded, her voice making me flinch. "I will not hurt you."

Muli akong umiling, my heart pounding like a drum, hands trembling uncontrollably at my sides. I felt every nerve in my body screaming at me to stay away from her.

But then, memories flooded my mind. The first time we met, her words drifting through the dim light of the night lamps.

"And I hope you won't become a monster yourself once you truly see who I am."

"I know . . ." I finally said, struggling to understand the seriousness of what she had done and the promise she had made before. "I know you won't hurt me, Yesenia. Hindi sumusunod ang katawan ko sa kagustuhan ko. Can . . .Can you please, please move away from the body and please come stand next to me instead?" I begged. My hands trembled as I clenched them into fists, trying to steady myself.

I desperately wished for her to leave the scene in front of me, and come back to me, to reassure me that everything would be okay.

Damn it! Hindi ito ang tamang oras, Ryn!

But the doubt crept in. I was unsure about everything, what I was doing, what I was asking for.

I couldn't even tell if I was breathing properly. I just hoped she wouldn't see how much I was shaking because, deep down, I knew I wasn't really afraid of her. It's just . . . 

Right. 

Nabigla lang ako.

Hindi ko lang 'to inasahan.

I wanted to understand her, to see beyond the chaos she did.

I focused on her, trying to understand her next move while fighting the urge to look away.

The leaves crunched under her feet as she walked closer. I couldn't look away from the lifeless body she had left behind. A tiny spark of hope downed me, making me believe he might still be alive, even though the truth felt suffocating.

As the distance between us grew smaller, my heart started to race, each beat loud in my ears.

Memories of her manic laugh flooded my mind.

As she got closer, the blood trailing behind her served as a constant reminder of her actions. She had just killed someone in broad daylight. Ang daming bisita sa bahay. Ang lapit namin. Hindi ba niya 'yon matandaan? I could hardly wrap my mind around it. Kitang kita ko pa rin ang pagdaloy ng dugo ng taong pinatay niya. It made my stomach churn.

Nang makalapit siya sa akin ay agad siyang lumuhod. Natanggal ang tingin ko sa lalaking duguan para matitigan ang mga mata ni Yesenia. Suddenly, her eyes shifted, revealing a familiar sparkle, a glint of sadness that reminded me of when we first met. This was the look I recognized, not the empty gaze filled with bloodlust or despair. 

This was Yesenia's eyes. The eyes I knew so well, the ones that had drawn me in before.

As she stay there, a flicker of vulnerability crossed her face. Is she struggling too? I took a tentative step forward, feeling a pull toward her.

Dala nang panginginig at kagustuhang makita ko siya ng malapitan, lumuhod ako. Harap harapan ko siyang tinitigan. Hindi ko makakailang nangamoy pa ang dugong bumahid sa kamay, mukha, at damit niya but . . . that's normal, isn't it? This is a normal reaction right?