Tale Of Heart

I am glad

I'm glad,
That the tear threatening to slip across my cheek,
Didn't fall when you were looking at me,
That the water welling up in my eyes went back before you could see it.

So that when you ask me why my eyes looked red,
I could just smile, and say
I think it was dust,
And laugh it away.

I'm glad you thought I was pretending to be sad,
When I fought with my life,
To not let my eyes well up again,
And when that tear finally fell,
I'm glad I could sweep it off,
Before you saw it.

I'm glad you think I'm happy,
I'm glad you think I'm carefree,
I'm glad you don't know just how broken,
I am inside.

So that all of us,
Can carry on with our lives,
Without ever realizing,
Without ever caring.

I'm glad that I can hope,
That if one day I close my eyes,
And never open them again,
Maybe on one will really notice.

I'm glad you think I just don't care,
Because if you did,
You'd have known I was trying my best,
You'd have known that my best wasn't the best.

I'm glad you can ignore,
My desperate calling for help,
My wails and my bawls,
Which echoes in the silent nights.

I glad you can unsee,
What you have seen, and ignore me,
All to carry on with 'parenting' me,
So I can hate you without feeling guilty.

I'm glad you never appreciated me,
Because now when someone does,
I can tell that they are lying,
I stopped expecting for the nice things,
They said exist, because I cannot feel them.

I'm glad you never told me you cared,
Because now, I'm sure,
That I'm undeserving,
Of the things others have from the moment they were born.

I'm glad.
For everything you have ever done for me.
Even though all you did was ruin me.