Diary of a 20 something

Watch The Trauma Die🦋

Sitting here listening to Watch the Party Die by Kendrick. It's giving me some inspiration.
Sitting here thinking about the old me. How she prayed to be here. How she shed so many tears. How so many people were against her. Trauma filled to the top. Overpouring with pain. Fighting every day to remain sane. I dance with her in my head. We have gotten so close. Fighting against light and darkness. Fighting to find all the pieces of us. Dear God give me light, dear God give me peace, Dear God keep my enemies away from me. The prayers ran through her head so much back then. Having a hard time seeing the other side. Made so many mistakes. She was just trying to make it through. So many trials and lessons. Couldn't see the blessings. Blinded by rage. Fire burning inside. Ticking time bomb ready to blow. Sometimes I just didn't know. Tried my best and just kept falling. Had to get spiritual. Had to give it to God. Dear God give me life, Dear God give me peace, Dear God keep my enemies away from me. Soon I saw that the light was shining through. Still dancing with her on decisions. Flipping back and forth. We were fighting each other. She wanted revenge and I wanted peace. Couldn't find the balance just yet. The vision was blurry but I was determined. Dear God keep me going, Dear God bless how I think, Dear God you know how hard I try. I think it's time to watch the trauma die. Praying, reading, meditating, keeping my health up, and growing in God. The devil still wants me. Sending demons in the form of my family and friends. Trying to get my other side back out. Trying to get her riled up. She's slipped out a few times but we came back together. Doing the shadow work. Crying it all out. Realizing so many things. Unlearning all the lies. Making boundaries. Seeing that suicide wasn't the answer. Just want to live, grow and be at peace. Dear God give me love, Dear God remove what doesn't serve me, Dear God bless these words and me. I think the trauma is dying. I don't want to set her on fire and burn her away. She's all of me and I'm all of her. We are balanced. We walk together. She was working with what she had and through her fight we are here to keep growing. Dear God give me life , Dear God give me peace,Dear God continue to let the trauma die inside of me. 🦋