The Convict

My Sanity

"Dakota," I say softly, my voice quivering. "Did you... Did you hurt her?"

She stays looking down, her hands wrapped in the bottom of my shirt. She shakes her head no, unable to meet my eyes.

I am flooded with relief.

"But I wanted to," she admits, tears flooding her eyes.

I sigh and run my thumb across her cheek, wiping the first tear that falls.

"I wanted to and I was going to until I heard your voice on the TV. Telling me not to, to come back. I almost—" she cuts herself off, covering her face in shame and pulling away from me.

"Come here," I try to pull her into my arms.

"No! You have to stay away from me Melony. I'm dangerous to be around. I'm still so angry! So angry at the world. I don't want to hurt you, or anyone. You have to call the police; you have to turn me in. I'm sorry okay, I'm sorry you have to deal with me now. I'm sorry I'm your responsibility. I'm sorry I make your life so hard. I'm sorry," she sobs.

"Shh, come here," I pull her into my arms.

She just sobs and sobs, breaking down in my arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry," she sobs.

But I get the feeling she's not talking to me.

"I get it now, why you wanted to die. I understand. Being a burden... is worse. I get it now. I'm sorry." She sobs.

"Dakota," I force her back.

"I'm sorry Carolina, I'm so sorry," she falls to her knees and sobs.

I get down on my knees in front of her

"I'm not worthy of love. I understand now. I get it. I let her win. I am the monster now. I am the bully. I'm horrible." She sobs.

"You are worthy of love," I say to her.

"No," she sobs, covering her face.

"You are," I say sternly.

"No, I'm not."

"You are," I pull her into my arms. "I want you to let it all out Dakota. Let out all that you keep hidden inside. Let out this pain, let out this anger, let it out. It's okay, I'll hold you. I'll keep you sane, I promise." I squeeze her.

She just screams, crying like I've never seen her cry before. Tears of pure rage and frustration, I've never seen her this broken before. This is a cry she's been holding back for years, maybe even all her life. I rest my head on top of hers and just hold her, letting her cry it out.

We sit there on the floor between the kitchen and the dining room, my food gone cold on the table. She just cries and cries until she finally tires herself out and falls asleep in my arms. I just lean against the wall and hold her, rubbing her back and gently rocking her occasionally. Eventually, I fell asleep too.

I wake when I feel Dakota stir in my arms.

It's late out, dark.

I blink in confusion and groan at my stiff back. She sniffles and sits up.

"You okay now?" I ask.

She shakes her head no.

I caress her cheek and she leans into my touch.

"You are my sanity," she whispers. "The only thing stopping me from completely losing it."

"Funny," I force a chuckle. "I feel like you are my insanity, the only thing stopping me from having a boring and bland life."