The Convict

Trauma

I had convinced myself that being around Dakota was actually a good thing. Since she came back into my life I hardly had any panic attacks, my PTSD wasn't acting up. It was like I was magically cured.

There is no such thing as magic.

My body wasn't panicking because it was back in survival mode. While my mind was in the present my body was subconsciously back at that house, locked in that room. My brain was in constant fight or flight, and anything else not key for my survival was not important.

I didn't realize this until I finally began to trust Dakota again, and finally started letting my guard down. The moment my brain realized there was nothing to be scared of, that this wasn't a dangerous situation, the false sense of security I had convinced myself existed, came crumbling down.

I was still scared of Dakota, I just didn't know it.

Trauma

What an exhausting day.

I take in a deep breath before dunking my head fully underwater. I hear water splash over the edges of the tub but pay it no mind. I can clean it later. The only sound I hear underwater is the sound of my own heartbeat, it's soothing.

Even after laying the new flooring and setting up the new bedframe we still have a lot left to do. Still have to build the build-ins, install the new ceiling fan, and pick out new curtains. Then the guestroom is finally complete.

I still haven't decided if I want to do the bathroom next or the master bedroom.

I came up for air and screamed in surprise after Cali jump scared me by jumping on the toilet to see what I was doing.

"Cali!" I chastise her. "You scared me," I glare at the cat.

She stretches out and plops down on the toilet lid, making herself into a loaf and staring at me, unamused.

"A little privacy would be nice," I flick water at her.

She shakes her head but doesn't move.

"Ugh," I relax in the water.

"Everything okay?" Dakota pokes her head into the bathroom.

I flinch, once again caught off guard by the unexpected visitor.

"Yeah, just Cali being Cali." I turn to stare at Dakota.

She's towel-drying her hair.

She takes super quick showers, afraid that will be the time when someone barges in here to search the place. I tell her she's too paranoid, but she refuses to take any long showers with me.

"Sweet girl," Dakota walks in and pets Cali.

Cali leans into her touch and starts purring.

I smile at the two of them.

"What's for dinner?" I ask Dakota.

"I can make you something. Whatever you want, name it."

"You know what I've been craving for years now, a dish no one makes as good as you?" I lean over the edge of the tub, resting my head on my arms.

"Do tell," she smirks.

"I would really love you forever if you made your super good and awesome three-cheese pasta. You know, the one with the squishy garlic."

"That's not what it's officially called," she laughs. "But I'll get to work, squishy garlic takes time."

"Yes! And I'm calling it squishy garlic pasta from now on. Better get used to it."