KIDULT (SEVENTEEN FF)

Suicide note

It's been 2 months already and everything felt so perfect but was it really?

It's not what you look at it's what you see.

A boy in a dimly lit, large and spacious room, was panting hardly while sweat drops fell on the floor, when the door flung open with a loud thud and a really pissed man entered. He held the panting boy by his neck and dragged him outside. He wanted to protest but his body was giving up. By the time they reached outside he felt his head heavy and a pain hit his head like punches.

He slammed his body on the wall of corridor. The tired boy winced in pain as he slid down the wall sitting, leaning over the wall, holding his left shoulder tightly which got hurt in meantime. He looked up to meet the angry gaze which was throwing daggers towards him.

"Dino I told you I want results.", Seventeen's performance strategist said harshly.

"I'm trying please. I'm sorry.", Dino spoke.

"I don't want your sorry. I want remarks."

"I will try harder."

"Your harder isn't the best. If you can't do it maybe you don't belong to here. You should just give up."

Give up... Give up... Give up.

The words rang in his mind as if showing him how lowly the place he was in.

He felt the building pain inside his stomach. The tears welled up in his eyes as he looked down on his feet.

Their performance strategist stood there silent for a moment looking at the boy and left from there angrily.

It's been a month he has been preparing for his solo song Wait. But the new performance strategist seems to have a problem with Dino that he taunts him over almost for everything. He makes him feel degraded, useless and unworthy of everything.

He practices everyday harder to reach his expectations but it was never enough.

He ran to the studio and picked up his bag from the corner of the room and hung it on his shoulder, leaving the studio, closing the door behind. He heaved a sigh as he marched towards his car. The night air blew his hair. The sweat drops shone brightly under the moonlight but the moon seemed red like one of those horror movies instead of diamond.

He sat on the driving seat, driving off from there.

He entered their dorm just to meet the 97z sitting in the living room waiting for him. Soon Hannie came running to him hugging his leg. He smiled and as he picked Hannie up, he winced in pain.

What more is he hiding?

"Are you okay?", Mingyu asked concerned.

"You look so tired. Want me to make something for you?" , DK asked.

"No I am good just tired from the practice, I guess.", Dino said shrugging his shoulders. His body indeed needed food but he had already lost his appetite.

"Are you sure?", The8 asked not buying the younger's answer.

"Yeah totally.", he reassured them.

"Okay then, call us if you need.", DK said.

"Sure."

Saying this he left from there.

Reaching his room he made Hannie sit on the bed.

"I will come soon, don't move from here... Here play with this.", Dino handed him a toy and patted his head before going to washroom.

He closed the door and stood infront of the bathroom mirror. In a swift he took off his full sleeved shirt. There lies numerous number of cuts in his upper body. He traced his hand lightly over the cuts.

He opened the cabinet over the mirror and took out a blade. He washed it properly with soap and dried it with a towel.

He grabbed the blade tightly and pressed it on his torso letting the blood flow from there, making the white tiles beneath red. Like this he kept cutting various parts of his upper body until he felt dizzy.

After torturing himself he he cleaned the floor and bandaged his wounds tightly stopping the blood from flowing. He wore his night suit which covered all his wounds properly and went out of the washroom.

Coming out he saw Hannie dozing off sitting in the middle of the bed. He smiled looking at him and took him in his arms although they were throbbing with pain and slept which he made him lie on his chest. He patted until he fell asleep but he himself was nowhere near to sleep. He kept staring at the ceiling without blinking as if he even forgot to breathe.

Suddenly a voice echoed across the room.

Give up... Die.

He breathed out surprisingly like he forgot to breathe out the oxygen he took in his lungs all along. He looked at his left and right but found no one. He closed his eyes tightly wanting to believe it as one of his hallucinations but the voice grew stronger and started repeating same thing again and again.

Rather than scared he felt like someone hypnotized him. He opened his eyes and looked at the toddler sleeping above him blankly. He made him lie on the bed and tugged him properly. He took a pen and paper writing something before folding it into a chit. Then he went to his closet dressing up in his practice outfit and hung his as usual sling backpack and went out of the room. He left the chit infront of the door of DK and left the dorm. He got into his car driving off.

Next morning...

DK woke up by the shouting of Mingyu from downstairs who was cooking their breakfast. It was weekend but he had a brand shoot and he is supposed to leave for New York two weeks later for a week to attend a fashion show.

DK's POV

It's really unbelievable the guy who couldn't wake up before 12 noon is awake before everyone just to make sure everyone eats properly.

Everything has changed so much but I am starting to love it too.

I sat up but Shua was hugging my arm in his sleep. I decided to wake him up as I have work too. I have some business matters to discuss with the company and last time I left him in the dorm alone with other members, he cried to the extent that he got fever. Hence I am taking him with me.

I woke him up but he snuggled into my lap not wanting to wake up. But I eventually woke him up and took him with myself to washroom so both of us can freshen up.

After coming out of the washroom, I dressed myself and Shua too as I am supposed leave in an hour.

As I opened my door I saw a chit on the floor. I picked it up and opened it.

"Nowadays sleeping is so hard when I can't stop thinking. It's very hard to explain what I am going through when I don't understand it by myself. It's so complicated that I can't share it. I'm hurting but I can't show it. I'm tired of everything. I don't want to feel like this.  Maybe I was unworthy of everything you guys gave to me. I'm sorry but I can't do it anymore. I am leaving forever."

-Dino.

DK's hands trembled reading the chit. He ran to straight to The8's room, knocking.

The8 opened the door seeing DK restless, leaning on the door frame, panting heavily.

"What happened?", The8 asked concerned.

"Dino!"