yours sincerely, daisy. - taylor swift

29

Dear Taylor,

I've written this letter over and over, trying to find the right words, but nothing seems right. Nothing seems enough to capture what's inside me. Maybe there are no right words for something like this. But I need to try, because if I don't, I'll keep carrying this weight with me, and I don't think I can do that anymore.

Loving you has been the most beautiful thing I've ever known. From the very beginning, from that first night we met, it felt like everything just clicked into place. Do you remember? We barely even spoke, but it was like something shifted between us, something that was always meant to be. I knew, even then, that you were going to change my life. And you did.

Do you remember the first time we really talked? I mean really talked, when it wasn't just smiles from across the room or polite conversation? It was after the Grammys, and I couldn't stop staring at you the whole night. I tried to play it cool, but it was impossible when you were sitting so close. And then later, when we found ourselves in the same hallway by chance—or maybe not by chance—I felt like the ground was slipping out from under me. But then you smiled, and everything felt steady again.

I remember every single moment we spent together. Every secret glance, every whispered word. The times when we'd sit together, talking until the sun came up, just the two of us and the world outside fading away. The way your hand would brush against mine under the table, so no one else would notice, but I'd feel it for hours afterward. The way you'd look at me like I was the only person in the room, like nothing else mattered but us.

Do you remember that weekend at the beach house? Just us, with no one watching, no cameras, no questions. We didn't have to hide, and for the first time, it felt like we could breathe. We spent hours walking along the shore, our hands entwined like it was the most natural thing in the world. I remember how we sat by the water late at night, wrapped in blankets, watching the stars, and you told me you'd never felt like this before. I believed you. I still do.

Those were the moments I held onto. The ones where it felt like we were real, like we were possible. But those moments were always stolen, weren't they? Always hidden. And as much as I tried to convince myself that it was enough, it never was. Because I wanted more. I wanted you in the daylight, not just in the shadows.

I understand your fear, Taylor. I've always understood it. The world you live in, the pressure you're under—it's more than anyone should have to bear. And I know that loving me was complicated for you. I know that being with me came with risks you weren't ready to take. But that didn't stop me from wanting more. From needing more. Because the truth is, I couldn't keep living as your secret, even if I wanted to. Even if I tried.

You always told me you loved me, but love isn't meant to feel like this. It's not meant to hurt this much, to feel like something you have to hide or protect from the world. It's supposed to be freeing, not something that leaves you feeling like you're drowning.

And maybe that's why I'm writing this. Because I've been drowning for so long, trying to hold onto you while you drift further away, trying to be patient while you figure out what you want. But I can't do it anymore, Taylor. I'm losing myself in the process, and it's tearing me apart.

I've replayed our moments together in my head so many times, clinging to the good ones, the sweet ones, where it felt like we could really be something. But those moments are fleeting, Taylor, and they're not enough to keep me here. Not anymore.

I think what breaks my heart the most is that I know you love me. I don't doubt that for a second. But love alone isn't enough when you're too afraid to show it. And I can't keep being the person you turn to in the dark when you're too scared to bring me into the light. I deserve more than that. I deserve to be loved out loud, and you deserve to figure out what you want without me standing in the way.

I used to believe we'd find a way, that somehow, someday, we'd get to have a future together. But I've come to realize that maybe that future was never meant for us. Maybe we were only meant to be a part of each other's lives for a little while. But God, I wish it could have been different. I wish we could have been different.

I keep wondering if, in another life, things would have worked out for us. If we were just two people who could love each other without everything else getting in the way. But now, I think what I truly hope is that, in another life, we're not the same gender. Because then, maybe loving me wouldn't have felt like something you had to hide. Maybe then, we wouldn't have had to keep running from what we felt, and maybe then, we'd be free to love each other the way we were always meant to.

But that's not the world we live in. And in this world, we don't get to be together. Not like that. I can't keep waiting for you to decide if I'm enough, if we're enough. I can't keep losing myself in the hope that one day you'll be ready. So I'm letting you go. Not because I want to, but because I have to.

I'll always love you, Taylor. That's not something that's going to change. But I need to love myself enough to walk away, and I hope you can find whatever it is you're searching for. I hope Joe makes you happy, truly. I hope he gives you the kind of love that doesn't hurt, the kind that's simple and easy, because that's what you deserve. And I hope, wherever life takes you, you find the peace you've been looking for.

But as much as it hurts, I need to say goodbye. I need to let go, even though it feels like my heart is breaking in the process. I hope you understand.

Yours sincerely,
Daisy