౨ৎ 𝑺𝑰𝑳𝑬𝑵𝑻 𝑺𝑷𝑨𝑹𝑲𝑺 | 𝑴𝑰𝑾𝑨 𝑿 𝑴𝑬𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑴𝑨𝑹𝑼

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑻𝑬𝑵

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Complications

Mechamaru felt his throat dry. The emotions in him swirled like a storm. He stood right in front of her, and yet it felt like she was still far away. His heart pounded in his chest as he tried to find the right words—words that might betray his heart or words that would hold him securely behind his mask.

Miwa looked at him patiently, her blue eyes penetrating his wall, as if to ask him to say more. She seemed to sense that there was something he was holding back, but she didn't push him.

"It feels... strange to be like this again," he finally said, looking away, unable to maintain direct eye contact. "I was in this different state for so long. Now I don't know how to move in this world. As if I don't belong here."

He wanted to say more, he wanted to tell her everything – about the deal, about the sacrifices he had made to live again, to be close to her. But he couldn't. Not now. It was too much.

Miwa nodded understandingly and took a step closer. Her arm twitched as if she wanted to touch him, but she let her hand sink again. "I can understand that," she said quietly. "But you know what? You belong here, Kokichi. More than you might think."

Her soft smile brightened the moment, and at that moment he just wanted to take her hand, pull her to him, tell her everything. But he couldn't. Not yet.

The inner struggle he fought never seemed to end. He had waited so long for this moment, for the opportunity to face her again as "he himself", and now that he was here, everything seemed more difficult than he had imagined. He had thought that a normal body would solve all his problems, but the truth was that the uncertainty in his heart was just as strong as before.

Miwa saw that he was struggling with his feelings, and although she said nothing, he felt her unobtrusive patience. This patience made it even harder for him, because he wanted to give her everything - but he was afraid to take everything from her if he did.

"Maybe it's better if I go," he finally said, taking a step back. His heart cried out as he widened the distance between them, but it felt necessary. He needed more time.

Miwa blinked, surprised. "Go? But..."

"I... I still have to get used to everything," he interrupted her before she could ask too much. "It's all a bit much."

She looked at him silently for a moment before nodding. "Okay, but... come back soon, yeah?" Her voice sounded almost pleading, as if she was afraid of losing him again.

Mechamaru nodded, although every fiber of his body contradicted. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay close to her. But his fears and insecurities were still too strong.

"I'll come back," he promised, before turning around and leave.

When he was alone, loneliness struck him with full force. The walk through the cool evening air hardly helped him to organize his thoughts.

Why can't I just be honest?

He wondered, while his steps led cumbersomely through the darkness.

Why can't I just say what I feel?

He knew the answer. It was the fear that she might reject him, that he was asking too much at once. He had sacrificed everything to get this body, to lead a normal life, but nothing about it felt normal.

But he couldn't help it. His thoughts kept circing her, and it became harder to focus on something else. He remembered the nights when he had dreamed of her for hours, when he had imagined what it would be like to touch her, just to have her close to him. But could he give himself the right to do so? It had been fantasies that had helped him through the darkest times, and now that she was almost within reach, those fantasies seemed to overwhelm him.

The days passed, and Mechamaru watched Miwa from a distance. He couldn't just approach her directly again, not after he had left her without a real explanation. Instead, he remained in the shadows.

It was torture and yet a consolation at the same time. Every day when he saw her, his desire grew stronger. Not only her closeness, but also her recognition, her affection. He longed to finally overcome this distance, but he didn't know how. He just knew he wanted her. More than anything else.

Sometimes, when she paused and looked around, he imagined that she could feel him, that she knew he was there.

"What is that you're doing to me?" He whispered into the cool air.

Why can't I stop thinking about you?

Time skip

With each passing day, it became harder to suppress the feelings. They grew in him like a fire that could not be extinguished. And the more he tried to control it, the more it seemed to consume him.

He didn't know. But he knew he couldn't go on forever. One day he would have to make the decision – for himself and for her.

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