Destined To You

CHAPTER 29

Ibinurol ang bangkay ni Sweet sa isang memorial chapel dahil ayaw ni Tita Gem na iburol ang kaniyang anak sa kanilang bahay. According to her, she didn’t want her daughter’s last memory in their home to be something sad and depressing. She wanted to preserved Sweet’s happy and joyful memories to last in their home because for her, she was still alive in her own heart.

Many people cried, mourned, and grieved for Sweet’s death. Doon ko nalaman na isang nakapabuting tao ng kaibigan ko. Many people visited her wake. Ang ilan ay teachers at students mula sa DAALMHS, including our classmates and her SSG officer councils. Ang ilan ay mga kamag-anak nila mula sa ibang lugar. At ang ilan ay mga taong tinulungan ni Sweet, kabilang na ang isang charity home para sa mga abandoned dogs and cats. Everyone refused to believe at first. They say that it was so sudden and unexpected. And we agreed. Because even us who were close with her, didn’t knew what she’d been going through.

Nanatili ako sa chapel simula sa unang araw ng burol ni Sweet. Kung may kailangan man ako ay si Haruki ang kumukuha sa bahay o bumibili para sa ’kin. He never leave my side. He was always beside me, assuring that I am not alone. Buti na lang at pinayagan ako nina Mommy at Daddy na mag-stay. They didn’t protested when I insisted on staying. I didn’t want to leave my bestfriend’s side. I was always sitting next to her.

“Langga, tulog ka na muna. Ilang araw ka nang walang tulog eh. Baka magkasakit ka na niyan,”  Haruki said, with his gentle and soothing voice.

Umiling ako.  “Hindi ako inaantok, langga,”  tanggi ko.

“Ga . . .”  naglalambing niyang pilit habang hinahagod ang likod ko.

I looked at him with my tired eyes.  “Don’t worry, langga. I’m fine. I don’t want to leave. I will stay here.”

Hindi na nagsalita pa si Haruki pero kitang-kita sa mga pagod niyang mata ang pag-aalala. Katulad ko ay halos dalawang araw na rin siyang walang maayos na tulog. Kapag kasi dumarami ang tao, tumutulong kami sa pag-aasikaso. Lalo at busy din sina Tito John at Tita Gem sa pag-aasikaso sa kanilang mga kakilala at ka-trabahong bumibisita.

I couldn’t stay still. Mas gusto kong busy at maraming ginagawa. Mas gusto kong pinapagod ang sarili ko para hindi ko maisip si Sweet. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko pa kaya. I am still in my in-denial phase. I refused to believe the truth.

Sa ikatatlo at huling araw ng lamay ni Sweet, sinundo ako nina Mommy at Daddy. They insisted to take me home just so I can take some proper meal and sleep. But still, I refused.

“Louisse, hija, don’t be like this. Tingnan mo nga ang sarili mo. Hindi na ikaw ’yan. Umuwi ka na muna sa ’tin at babalik din tayo rito kaagad bukas ng umaga,”  Mommy said while caressing my hair. Tears was forming in her eyes.

“Ayoko po, Mommy. Dito na lang ako. Ayokong iwan si Sweet,”  I cried.

“No, no. Uwi na muna tayo. Anak, don’t torture yourself like this. I understand what you feel and I know that Sweet won’t like seeing you in this state if she’s still alive.”

“No, you don’t, Mom! Stop saying that you understand what I’m feeling! No one understands my pain!”  I shouted furiously.

“Louisse Amara, enough!”  Dumagundong ang boses ni Daddy.  “Listen to your mom. Whether you like it or not, isasama ka namin pauwi. Stop being a brat and listen to us!” 

Hinimas ni Haruki ang balikat ko at pilit akong pinakalma sa pag-iyak.  “Sumama ka na sa parents mo, ’ga. Don’t hate them for doing what’s the best for you,”  bulong ni Haruki habang niyayakap ako.

“O-okay,”  I said in a faint voice.

Inalalayan ako ni Mommy at bago kami umalis ay kinausap muna namin sina Tita Gem at Tito John para magpaalam. Sumakay kami sa kotse para bumiyahe pauwi. Si Daddy ang nagda-drive at si Mommy naman ang nakaupo sa passenger’s seat. Magkatabi naman kami ni Haruki sa likod. Nang makaramdam ako ng antok ay sumandal ako sa balikat niya at niyakap niya naman ang kaniyang kaliwang kamay sa akin. Sa loob ng ilang araw ay saka lang ako nakaramdam ng antok at pagod. Hanggang sa hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako at paggising ko ay mataas na ang sikat ng araw. Nakahiga na ako sa aking kama at walang maalala sa kung paano ako nakarating ng aking silid.

Nakarinig ako ng katok sa pinto ng aking kwarto.

“Come in!”  mahinang wika ko.

Pumihit ang doorknob at pumasok si Mommy. She smiled before sitting in my bed then held my hand.

“Good morning, hija. Nakatulog ka ba nang mahimbing?”  Her gaze was locked in my face, as if checking something.

“O-opo, Mom,”  sagot ko.

She leaned and tucked some hair in my ear.  “Great. How are you feeling?”

After hearing her question, I couldn’t answer. I mean, I don’t know what to answer.

Am I feeling better?

Am I still not?

Lumunok ako para pigilan ang mapaiyak pero taksil ang mga luha ko. Kusa silang umalpas sa aking mga mata. Ang dami ko nang iniyak pero parang hindi nauubos. But at least, kahit papaano, nababawasan ang bigat.

Niyakap ako ni Mommy at humagulgol ako sa dibdib niya. Halos atungal na rin ang ginawa ko pero wala akong pakialam. I need to let the burden out. I need to free myself from the weight. It was too much for me to handle. It was my first time and I didn’t know it would hurt this much.

Pasado alas-dose ng hapon, umalis na kami ng bahay para tumungo sa memorial chapel. Alas dos ang libing at mula sa chapel ay dadaan muna sa simbahan bago dumiretso sa sementeryo.

Pagdating sa sementeryo ay isa-isang nagbigay ng mensahe ang mga taong malapit kay Sweet. Unang nagbigay ng mensahe sina Tita Gem at Tito John. Napuno ng iyakan ang paligid. Kahit ako ay sunod-sunod ang pag-agos ng luha. It was painful for me kaya paano pa kaya sa kanila?

“I love how Sweet was a genuine friend to me,”  panimula ko sa aking eulogy.  “Her presence felt like a breath of fresh air. She always uplift my mood with her smiles and corny jokes.”  I smiled when I remembered my moments with Sweet.  “Her pure and purposeful intentions. She was the biggest blessing I . . . I ever had.”  Tears once again escaped from my swollen eyes.  “Everyone, hold your bestfriend close b-because I miss mine. I . . . I just lost her and . . . and only God knows h-how she’s doing right now. Sweet, wherever you are, I hope that you’re h-happy. I hope that there will be no pains and sufferings. You will always be my best friend. In this lifetime, and until my next lives, you will always have a special place in my heart. I . . . I love you, my B-bebs,”  pagtatapos ko at humagulgol.

Few months ago, I was just living my life at Manila. I was fine. It was extravagant and I was care-free. Not until my parents decided to move here in Negros and my life started to change tremendously. I met people who became important pieces of my life. I always knew life isn’t fair but I am not aware that it would hit me this hard. But I need to be strong.

Because amidst how draining life could get, I still showed up and that’s courage.