Jay Halstead Oneshots

Pregnant?

hello1234577564: Could you do it's absolutely fine!! If you don't want to do this chapter but could you do jay Halstead finding out he's pregnant at work but he only tells Voight

Jay POV
The last few weeks I've been feeling off and being sick. Everyone was catching some bug so I just assumed it was that until I was feeling worse instead of better. I was stood in the toilets staring down at the pregnancy test in my shaking hands. Two lines. Clear as day. Two lines. Pregnant. I hid the test and box under the rubbish in the bin. I stumbled out of the cubicle and leant against the sink. I let out a shaky breath as I felt the cold porcelain sink against my lower back. My mind was spinning and grasping for answers to questions I hadn't even begun to ask. The team was just outside in the bullpen joking around and making small talk as we prepped for another case. Everything in my life had been routine, familiar and predictable. Until now.

I couldn't stay in the bathroom forever. I couldn't hide. The nausea that had been feeling was now replaced with an intense burning panic. This wasn't something I could face alone but telling people? I couldn't. Not yet. Not Will, not the team. No one. There was only one person I could tell right now. Hank Voight. I threw cold water on my face hoping it would calm the wave of anxiety suffocating me but it didn't. I pushed the door open and forced myself into the hallway. I made my way toward Voight's office. I stopped outside Voight's office door and knocked twice barely hard enough to make a sound hoping that he wasn't here.
Hank: Come in
My heart pounded in my chest as I twisted the handle and stepped inside. Hank was seated at his desk with paperwork spread out in front of him. He looked up from the files and his brow creased when he saw me.
Jay: oh erm you're busy I'll come back later
I turned around to leave
Hank: What's up Jay?
Jay: it doesn't matter
Hank: you never come in to see me. What's going on?

I took a breath trying to figure out how to say this but the words caught in my throat. He could tell something was off as he set down his pen and leaned back in his chair. I was standing in the doorway like an idiot not moving
Hank: Everything okay?
Jay: Not... not really
His expression tightened but he didn't say anything but just motioned for me to come in and sit. I crossed the room and dropped into the chair across from his desk. My leg was bouncing and hands fidgeting as I avoided his gaze.
Hank: Talk to me kiddo. What's going on?
I ran a hand through my hair whilst exhaling slowly
Jay: This... this stays between us alright? No one else can know.
Hank: You've got my word
The sooner I say it. The sooner it's over
Jay: I'm... I'm pregnant.

The silence that followed was deafening. For a moment Hank didn't react at all. He just stared at me, I guess processing. I braced myself for shock, for confusion, but it never came. He didn't flinch, didn't even blink. He was still as a statue with his face unreadable
Hank: How long have you known?
Jay: I... I just found out. I took a test this morning. I didn't think it was possible. I've been on testosterone for years, I didn't think...

Hank nodded but didn't say anything right away. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, still watching me.
Hank: And no one else knows? Justin?
Jay: No. Just you. I... I don't know how to tell anyone else.
Hank: You don't have to tell anyone else until you're ready. This is your call.
Jay: Yeah, I know. I just... I don't even know what to do next.
Hank: Alright. Let's figure it out, step by step. You've got time. You don't have to make any decisions today
Jay: Yeah, but... I didn't plan for this. I don't even know if I can... if I want this. Hell I don't even know how it happened.
Hank: It's okay to not know right now. No one expects you to have all the answers.
Jay: I don't know how to be a parent Hank. I barely know how to keep my own life together, let alone be responsible for someone else. Pat wasn't exactly father of the year
Hank: Jay you've been through worse. I've seen you handle impossible situations and you've come out the other side every time. This is big, yeah, but you're not doing it alone.
Jay: I don't even know if I want to keep it. I didn't think this would ever be part of my life. I don't even know how I feel about it. They told me this couldn't happen. What if I pass all my mental issues to the kid? That's the main reason why I didn't want biological children. That's why I didn't care that being on T would destroy my chances of getting pregnant. Me and Justin were looking at adoption. Now look where I am. I'm stuck
Hank: That's okay. I hear what you're saying Jay. Whatever you decide we'll make it work. You've got options Jay. It's your choice.
Jay: I'm scared I don't know how to deal with this
Hank: I know you are but you've got me. Whatever happens you're not doing this alone

I stared down at my hands and my heart still racing but something about his words cut through the panic. For the first time since I saw those two lines on the test I didn't feel completely lost.
Jay: I don't want the team to know yet or Justin. I need some time to figure this out.
Hank: Take all the time you need. No one's gonna push you and if you need time off... whatever it is, we'll handle it.
Jay: Thanks, Sarge
Hank stood up from his desk and came around to stand next to me. He gave me a hug
Hank: You let me know when you're ready to talk more. I've got your back no matter what kiddo
Jay: I'll let you know. I just... needed to tell someone.
Hank: I'm glad you did. You did the right thing Jay
Jay: can I go home?
Hank: course you can. I'll tell them you just don't feel well
Jay: thank you
Hank: think about telling Justin kid
Jay: I will
I started walking out his office when he called out to me
Hank: Jay?
I turned back
Hank: Look im not gonna pretend I know what you're going feeling right now but Justin... he's stronger than you give him credit for. And he loves you. You'll work it out Jay. You'll figure things out together
Jay: yeah you're right. I just needed to tell someone. I'm still getting my head around it. How do I tell him?
Hank: just sit him down. It's better he hears it from you
Jay: I know. I'll talk to him.
I walked out of the district and was just driving around trying to figure out what I was gonna say. Justin was on a late shift and would be home late tonight.