If the picture shows up, you'll get the rant.. It's about my dad, again..
He drinks to access and says 'if I stop drinking, will you move in with me?' And that's not what I want, I want to stay with my mom and her boyfriend, I want to stay with my awesome sister and stay.. HERE! He's not a normal person, you can't reason with him, if you try to, he won't let you speak, about.. Anything.
All he cares about is money and complains about how much he spends on it with child support, and alimony, and things like that.. And I don't know what to do about it, because I can't do anything.
I don't want to go over to his house because he drinks (like I said before) to an access, and I'm scared that in the middle of the night, he'll come into my room and abuse me, or, you know.. Umm... R-rape me or something like that..
Being 'touched' is actually one of my biggest fears, and I know that I'm only a kid, so I shouldn't worry about it, that I'm in safe hands, or that, he's my dad, so I shouldn't worry about it.. But, what if I don't want to have him as my Dad? I feel like Bryon is more of a dad than my actual dad, and it makes me feel.. Sad.
That one of the two people who brought me into this world doesn't actually want to be a dad.. He told my sister tonight, that he should've left 11 years ago.. Before I was born.. And when my sister was three..
So if he left, my mom would've been in the very early stages with her being pregnant with me, or I wouldn't have been created at all... And, if I wasn't born.. I-I.. I don't know.. I just.. Would anything, really, be different..?
Would anyone's life really be affected? I mean, I've helped some people through depression, so I guess that's a thing, but besides that, nothing really would be different..
I've never done anything important, I'm not the greatest writer or drawer, I'm not the funniest person around, and I weird people out a lot..
I don't know if I'm doing through depression myself, but I sometimes just have those moments where I randomly think about something, and I.. Cry.
I cry my hear out, and don't even really know why because of how pointless the reasons I'm crying are...
Anyways, this is getting to be a long rant, so I'm going to end it. Please don't get the wrong message, I don't think that I'm going through depression, I'm just really stressed and confused about everything.. But I'm not going to cut or drink bleach or do anything stupid or anything like that.. But, to anyone who's actually read this far, thank you.. For listening..
