if my life were a poem, it would be...
listening to benson boone while working out to make the pain easier,
a food bucket list,
wanting to see the northern lights,
a million writing docs,
getting sick ten times a year/eating vitamin gummies so i don't get sick,
"what happens if i don't get into a good college?",
doing all the work in group projects,
greeting my teachers because i want them to like me,
that time my ballet teacher told me i was beautiful,
secretly buying clothes from tj maxx because i'm embarrassed to tell my mom that i care,
caring more about my sister's achievements than she does,
"but i work harder than her."
the bursts of motivation,
secretly shaving because i'm embarrassed to tell my mom that i care,
singing when my family isn't home,
seeing myself in the mirror and thinking, "hey, she's kind of pretty",
thinking about high school
"what was all this for?",
wondering why the popular girl is popular,
that boy who used to like me who i'm just starting to like now,
angsty song lyrics,
mcas test scores,
spanish duolingo at 3:00 in the morning,
"i wish i could go back in time."
a lava lamp i got two years ago that i never used and now it's broken,
lying in bed and wanting to be productive but i can't make myself move,
the weird feeling of guilt when i see my parents,
those random shivers,
aurora's runaway music video and feeling sentimental,
"what if i don't earn enough money?",
telling my dad to stop smoking/smelling the smoke in the basement the next day,
telling my mom to stop drinking/tasting wine on every glass cup,
skincare hacks on youtube shorts,
praying to god even though i'm not religious,pondering death,
"when will my parents die?",
getting compliments on my froggy phone case,
forgetting where i put my airpods,
writing story plots in notes app,
a hero complex,
looking at baby photos and realizing that i'm thirteen now,
"what if everything doesn't work out in the end?"
that time somebody told me i was super nice,
seeing snapchat stories about birthday parties i wasn't invited to,
the fact that teachers have a life too,
those obsessions i get that last two months,
watching my mother use anti-aging creams and wanting to cry for some reason,
"i don't want to grow old.",
that feeling of warmth when i was sick and my friend texted me everything i missed,
a toilet bowl mug i use to drink milk,
the white spots in my nails,
blaming my problems on others,
paranoia from reddit stories,
"what if i get cheated on?",
staring at my stomach in the mirror,
listening to the chinese aunties talk about my acne,
secretly using concealer because i'm embarrassed to tell my mom that i care,
kotlc/the hunger games/the inheritance games/rick riordan,
picking up trash on the playground and hoping to be noticed,
"when will i die?",
a stuffed easter bunny that i've been sleeping with for a decade,
old halloween candy sitting in the cabinets,
realizing that he's not that great,
realizing my parents are getting older,
telling my mom that she's not fat,
"i just want them to be proud."
