War In Shades Of Pink

Chapter 5: We Don't Need More War

NOTES: I don't own the characters. They're all from the "Harry Potter" series. I just try to fill in the gaps with my own imagination.
English is not my first language, so I apologize for any error or mistake.

Lupin kept rejecting Tonks and going on very dangerous missions, even as a spy among werewolves. Tonks started suffering from depression because of Sirius's death and Lupin's rejection. She loses her metamorphmagus powers and her patronus becomes a wolf.

And then, Dumbledore dies and everybody's world seems to be ruined.
This chapter takes place during "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," shortly after the scene in the infirmary when every one snaps over the death of Dumbledore, and where, upon seeing that Fleur still wishes to marry Bill despite his having been bitten by Greyback, Tonks has a nervous breakdown and pleads for Lupin's love in front of everyone.

Remus emerged from the hospital wing with a knot in his chest, burdened by the weight of his words, Tonks's suffering, and the frustration that had accumulated in his heart. There was no longer any denying the truth: he loved her, more than anything else in the world, but he was so ensnared by his own insecurities and his curse that he could not see a way out.

He settled onto a bench in one of the more secluded gardens of Hogwarts, where the shadows of the night felt more comforting than threatening. He needed a moment to breathe, to attempt to organise his thoughts. The sound of hurried footsteps behind him made his heart leap.

"Remus!" It was Tonks; her voice was urgent yet laden with remorse.

He turned, his face pale and his eyes shining with guilt and sorrow all at once. She halted a few steps away from him, arms crossed as if to protect herself.

"I'm sorry," she began, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry for interrupting your thoughts now, sorry for putting myself before everyone else, sorry. I'm sorry for not respecting your moment of grief over Dumbledore's death. I saw how shattered you were; I've never seen you like that. You must be devastated inside. First Sirius, now him... and then you had to deal with my outburst in front of everyone. You must feel like the whole world is against you. That was the last thing I wanted. I just want to see you happy, but I'm clumsy even at that. I'm sorry."

She was right. Lupin was indeed crushed by everything that was happening, though he always maintained his impassive and calm exterior. Yet, he felt himself beginning to weaken. He was not made of iron. With his eyes fixed on the ground, he merely shrugged, feeling defeated, and replied:

"You don't need to apologise. We all have our limits, and this was yours. I understand that Bill and Fleur's situation must have triggered you. You haven't been well either; don't think I haven't noticed. Much of it is my fault, and I apologise for that. No one is in their right state of mind. We are all on edge. The war, the losses..." He paused, his voice catching. He did not want to cry in front of her. He had always trained himself to hide and suppress his feelings. He could not break down. Not now.

She stepped closer and took a deep breath, attempting to summon the courage to continue. Then, tentatively placing a hand on his shoulder, she resumed:

"It seems like the only thing I do is to apologise, but it must be said. I'm sorry to bring it up again, but I promise it's the last time. Do you really think I care?—" Her voice trembled as a stubborn tear rolled down her cheek. "—About the fact that you're a werewolf, or any of that nonsense you say?"

Tonks crouched down to meet his gaze, which was fixed on the ground, and insisted firmly:

"Tell me you don't love me, and I will walk away from you immediately. But only if it's true. If it's not, then stop trying to send me away. Surrender, Remus Lupin. We are at war! We don't need a war between us."

Remus did not reply. His eyes brimmed with tears that he was desperately trying to hold back.

When he failed to respond, Tonks sighed and continued, her tone softer, knowing she had nothing to lose. The worst that could happen was remaining in the same sad situation:

"If you don't love me, I promise I'll walk away. We can just be friends, and that's that. I promise! Just say it. Just look me in the eye and tell me with all sincerity that you don't love me."

Tonks held his gaze, resolute yet anxious. She looked deep into his blue eyes, trembling before the fear of his answer. She had promised.

Remus lowered his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.

"Tonks, I... I do love you. But you don't understand what you're asking of me. It's not just about being a werewolf. It's everything that comes with it. The danger, the prejudice... I don't want to drag you into this life."

She moved even closer, her eyes shining with tears and determination.

"I'm already in "this life", Remus. I'm here, aren't I? I wait for you to come home every full moon, alive and whole. I fight by your side constantly. I love you, and now that you've admitted that you love me too, I won't give up on us."

He felt his chest tighten, and before he could think, she was in his arms, gripping his coat tightly.

"Don't send me away," she pleaded, her voice barely above a whisper. "Not now. Let me comfort you for Dumbledore's death. You're suffering. We're both suffering."

To his surprise and joy, Lupin embraced her, feeling the warmth of her body against his, and it was as if something finally shattered within him. The words did not come immediately. He simply held her, his emotions nearly overwhelming him. He kissed her with a desperation he hadn't known he possessed, as if all the fear and repressed desire spilled forth in that moment. After the kiss, they held one another, allowing their lingering emotions to wash over them completely.

They cried for some time, wrapped in each other's arms. The amalgamation of emotions from recent times escaped them, like a pressure cooker reaching its limit.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured against her lips after a few moments. "I'm so sorry for pushing you away. I... I'm an idiot. I'm so afraid of losing you that I've almost pushed you away for good."

Tonks smiled against his cheek, tears silently streaming down:

"Don't you ever do that again," she whispered. "You're an idiot, you know that? My idiot."

They both chuckled softly, and he kissed her again. This time, more slowly, with more sweetness. The weight of doubts seemed to lessen slightly, replaced by a new and unexpected warmth. The war was drawing ever closer, and they both knew that every moment could be their last. They decided then to embrace their love without reservation, despite the fear and uncertainties that surrounded them.

It was the beginning of something he had never thought he could have, something he had never allowed himself to wish for.