War In Shades Of Pink

Chapter 6: Confessions and First Steps

NOTES: I don't own the characters. They're all from the "Harry Potter" series. I just try to fill in the gaps with my own imagination.
English is not my first language, so I apologize for any error or mistake.

 Remus' secret is a 'headcanon' of mine, meaning it's a theory I have always held, since "Prisoner of Azkaban" (although I found a way round it it in a fanfiction I wrote many years ago, set during the Marauders era). I really love this theory. It makes perfect sense to me, and it was almost confirmed by the words J.K. Rowling wrote about Lupin on the official Wizarding World website.

The warmth of the fireplace softly illuminated the room where Remus and Tonks sat, the crackling of the flames the only music filling the air. They had spent the last couple of hours talking, swapping stories, laughing over the moments they'd shared during missions for the Order. But now the laughter had faded, leaving a comfortable silence between them.

Remus watched Tonks, her hair still a soft shade of lavender, a sign of her contentment and happiness. He was sitting beside her on the bed, feeling his heart beating just a little faster than usual. She looked so relaxed, so... sure of what she wanted. He, on the other hand, felt like a clumsy boy rather than the man she thought he was.

"Dora," he began, his voice hesitant. The nickname he used for her was filled with affection, but also carried an insecurity that she immediately sensed.

She turned to him, her eyebrows raised in curiosity. "What is it, Remus?" she asked, reaching out to gently touch his hand. "You look worried."

He took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. The fear of disappointing her, of not being what she expected, made him want to retreat, but he knew he couldn't. He didn't want to hide anything from her.

"I... I need to tell you something," he said, his voice low, almost timid. He looked away, feeling his face flush. "About... about me. About something I've never..."

Tonks tilted her head, her eyes fixed on him, but her touch remained steady and reassuring. "You can tell me anything, Remus. I'm here."

He smiled slightly, grateful for her support, but still struggling to say what he needed to. "I've never... been with someone like this before." He let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders, though the fear still lingered.

She decided to help him out:

"You mean to say... you're a virgin?"

"Yes," he answered immediately, as if relieved to finally admit it. "Yes, I am."

Tonks blinked, surprised only by how embarrassed he seemed. She had already suspected that Remus hadn't had many relationships, considering the way he always distanced himself from others and his constant attempts to push her away. But seeing him so vulnerable, admitting this, made her heart swell with tenderness.

"Remus," she whispered, cupping his face with both hands, making him look at her. "That doesn't change anything. Did you think I... expected you to be some kind of a ladies man?" She smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

He laughed nervously, but his eyes were still clouded with uncertainty. "I've always kept myself away from... all of this. I never thought it could be possible, that anyone would want me that way. I'm a werewolf, Dora. I don't know any who have... well, breed. And besides, there's the danger. I've always thought that any woman who got close to me would be at risk."

Tonks stroked his face with her thumbs, her eyes shining with understanding. "I know that. And I understand why you've tried to push me away so many times. But I'm here, Remus. I chose to be with you. Not because I'm ignoring who you are, but because I love who you are, exactly as you are. I don't want anyone else."

His chest tightened at her words, the fear still present, but slowly being replaced by a surge of affection and gratitude. "You deserve someone better. Someone without all these... issues."

She rolled her eyes, the smile on her lips turning a little more mischievous. "You know, you might be a genius, but sometimes you're a bit of an idiot." She leaned in, kissing him softly before whispering against his lips, "I love you, Remus. And I'm not going anywhere."

He felt his body relax a little more, but there was still something that needed to be said. He pulled back just enough to look into her eyes.

"And you?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. "You said you... had a boyfriend before, but I never wanted to ask..."

Tonks sighed, her fingers playing with the collar of his shirt, as if trying to find the right words. "Yes, I did. But it wasn't good, Remus. He... was a bit abusive. Not physically, but emotionally. He didn't handle my clumsiness well. Always made me feel like I wasn't good enough, and I... ended up believing that for a while." She bit her lower lip, her eyes shining with old pain.

"And what about... that?" He couldn't finish the sentence, but she understood.

"It wasn't love," she said softly. "I never really loved him. I never felt safe with him. Being with him was... uncomfortable, to say the least. He took advantage of me being a Metamorphmagus to turn me into someone I wasn't. And after we ended things, I didn't want to be with anyone else until... well, until you." She laughed, a light and nervous sound. "You're the only man I've ever loved, Remus. And I don't have much experience either. But that doesn't matter."

Remus stayed quiet for a moment, absorbing her words. Knowing that she also had her insecurities, that she was nervous too, made him feel a little less inadequate. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly, as if he could protect her from any pain, even the memories.

"I love you, Dora," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "And I don't know how to do this, how to... be with you, but..."

She placed a finger on his lips, silencing him. "The only thing we need to know is that we want to be together. Everything else... we can figure out together."

He nodded, his eyes meeting hers, filled with promise and trust. "I want that. I want to try."

She smiled, a smile full of love and hope. "Then we'll go slowly, no rush. We don't need to hurry. We just need to be ourselves."

And in that moment, as they held each other, feeling the closeness and warmth, Remus and Tonks began to take their first steps into new and unknown territory, together. There was no rush, only the promise of a love that, despite all the scars and fears, was real and true.

The magic of that moment wasn't in wands or spells, but in the vulnerability and courage of giving themselves to each other, completely, for the first time.