Emotional Shit

I thought we'd be friends forever

This is a little bit older than the other stuff, from when the wounds from what happened were still fresh.

I find myself consistently looking at the unsent project page, waiting for another message to pop up for my name. Do you do the same? Do you see all the ones I sent you? Do you... Miss me? I would tell you I'm sorry every day for the rest of my life if it meant that we could be friends again, but I know I'd never trust you again. Knowing about my trust issues, how could you do that?

Sometimes at night, right before I fall asleep, I still get the urge to text you goodnight. But I guess even if we were texting you'd probably not say it back. I saw the signs of you leaving months before you did, but you kept saying you'd never leave me. That you were just tired or busy or emotionally exhausted. Maybe that's why it hurt so much. Because you kept saying you weren't going to leave me, and then when I thought maybe you were different then you broke me.

I had planned to take you to Disney one day. I wanted to have you visit me during school vacation when I moved out. I thought we'd have sleepovers forever. I guess I was just delusional. I should never have trusted you, but I'd do it all again if it meant more time with you. I don't know if I'd even respond if you were to text me now. Maybe I'd leave you on read for the entire day, like you probably did to me a lot of times. How many times did you ignore me, how often were you glad that I couldn't see if something was read? Did you ever really care about me?