Tanz Der Vampire (remake)

On such a fine day/everybody's a sucker

Time to stake vampires

Walking through dark coridors and over descending stairways, Pete Burns and Michael Jackson approach the crypt.

On such a fine day/everybody's a sucker

Pete Burns: ON A DAY LIKE TODAY

Michael Jackson: A DAY LIKE TODAY

Pete Burns: NEWTON PROVED A THEORY.
ON A DAY LIKE TODAY

Michael Jackson: A DAY LIKE TODAY

Pete Burns: MOZART WROTE A SYMPHONY

Michael Jackson: ON A DAY LIKE TODAY

Pete Burns: A DAY LIKE TODAY
BRUTUS BROKE A TYRANNY.

Michael Jackson: AND IKARUS TOOK
HIS WINGS AND WENT FLYING.

Pete Burns: GALILEO FOUND OUT PTOLEMEUS WAS LYING.

Michael Jackson: IF THIS CELLAR WOULD BE BRIGHTER MY HEART WOULD BE LIGHTER
AND I'D BE A MAN WITHOUT
ANY DOUBT.
IF MY I WOULD FEEL A SHIVER
MY KNEES WOULD NOT QUIVER
AND I WOULDN'T HOLD MY BREATH I'D BE FINE
BUT RIGHT NOW I'AM SCARED TO DEATH

Pete Burns: RIGHT THERE UNDER ME
I THINK I CAN SEE
THE OBJECTS I AM SEARCHING FOR

OUR MISSION WAS BLESSED
THE GOALS OF OUR QUEST
BENEATH US ON THE LOWER FLOOR

Michael Jackson: HOW DO WE PROCEED?

Pete Burns: WE NOW MUST INDEED

Both: GET READY FOR THE FINAL CHORE.

Michael Jackson: WE'D BETTER FIRST WEIGH IT.
WE SHOULD DELAY IT!

Pete Burns: THIS IS THE HOUR.
THIS IS THE PLACE!

Music segues into a spooky underscore. We see the silhouettes of the catafalques in the twilight of the crypt.

Pete Burns: Excellent. Now we will climb down here.

Michael Jackson: Down here?

Pete Burns: Straight away. You go first. Give me the bag! Go ahead!

Michael Jackson: Down here?

Pete Burns: Down here.

Michael Jackson climbs down to the crypt. HE slips and lands on the floor.

Pete Burns lets his bag slide down. It bangs on the floor.

Pete Burns: Quiet! Do you want the hunchback to hear us? Attention. I jump.

Pete Burns is about to jump down. Michael Jackson tries to stop him.

Michael Jackson: No! No!!!

Pete Burns does jump, but his suspenders get hooked up at the railing.

Pete Burns: Uh! I'm stuck! Mhm...uuh! You have to help me, boy.

Michael Jackson tries to drag Pete Burns down - pulling his leg. HE ends up with the Pete Burn's shoe in his hands. Music underscores the panting and gasping..

Pete Burns: Uh... It doesn't work that way! You will have to operate on your own.

Michael Jackson: On my own?