Nights Like This One { a joel miller fanfiction }

XVI.

A.N. so the second part of this story has given me new life and i literally wrote all day yesterday and today. sorry if it's coming at you too fast. the last chapter was short as fuck and this one is a bit longer, but as of right now I'm fucking cranking this shit out. if it's coming at you too fast, or it's too heavy, don't feel obligated to read immediately. take a break! drink some water! ily <3

"A memory can kill a man." — Golden Vessel & Emerson Leif, Hesitate

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Lily stumbled, nearly hitting the ground before Leslie reached out to steady her, those hazel eyes of hers going a little wide.

"You okay?" Leslie asked, her gaze nervously raking over her friend.

Lily nodded, but the motion just increased the buzzing in her head, the dizzy spell that hadn't seemed to cease for the last two or three days.

They'd caught a couple rabbits back near the lake in Ashley National Forest, but they'd been too hungry to save them, ended up eating them both that day, which was now over a week ago. They hadn't eaten anything since, beyond some leaves and berries they'd found during their trek into Wyoming.

Lily shut her eyes tight, trying to ease the spinning in her head, trying to urge the emptiness in her stomach to be any less daunting.

"Lil!" she heard Caleb shout from where he'd wandered off in front of them, his footsteps echoing through her buzzing head as he ran back to her side. She couldn't see him— her eyes were still squeezed shut— but she already knew what expression was plaguing his face— that anxious one that made her stomach clench, the one that made a ripple emerge between his eyebrows, the one that painted his eyes a shade too dark, like the murky blue of some deep body of water.

"I'm fine guys," she spat out, trying to stand up straight, pushing off of Leslie only to lose her balance again, legs unsteady and wobbly, like a newborn fawn, head cloudy and too heavy on her shoulders, like it might roll off and plop onto the ground.

"Shit Lil," Caleb spat out, catching her with one hand on her waist, the other clamped around her upper arm, she lolled forward against his chest— broad and solid, when had that happened? When had they all gotten so old?

He eased her onto the ground, her butt colliding with the soft dirt and leaves of the forest floor.

"You gotta rest... here," she heard him somewhere in front of her, digging through his pack, "have some water."

She peeled her eyes open, just enough to squint, the sunlight blinding her as it poured through the trees, blanketing the back of Caleb's head, making it hard to make out his face.

He placed his canteen in Lily's palm, wrapping his own hand around hers until he felt like she had a good grip on it. She drank from it in long, slow gulps, her stomach burning as the water hit its emptiness. By the time she handed the canteen back to him, her vision had cleared enough that she could see his face, could see that anxious glint in his eyes, the knot between his eyebrows, the concerned frown tugging down his lips.

Something bubbled up in her core, thick and bitter, it tasted like guilt on the back of her tongue.

She flashed him a smile that felt weak, then reached out to pat his cheek with her hand, the short stubble there biting her palm.

"I'm fine, just got a little dizzy there for a minute."

His frown only deepened at that, and the vision of it made her heart ache and throb in her chest.