Nights Like This One { a joel miller fanfiction }

XIX.

A.N. have fuuuuuun ;)

"Give me how it was, a place under the sun, before the devil made me run."

- Father John Misty, Nancy from Now On

___________

Joel stood at his front door, gripping the handle, his core trembling.

He could not continue confining himself to his house, even if he knew he would run into her eventually. He had work he had to do, patrol runs and houses that needed repairs. He didn't need Maria getting on his case about why he'd suddenly become even more of a recluse than he'd been before.

He let out a sharp exhale that rattled his ribs before he finally twisted the handle and stepped outside. Everything in Jackson looked the same, but the town felt altered in a way that was so palpable he could almost smell it. He tried to keep his head down, tried to ignore the brutal, clawing tug in his chest as he walked toward the stables, but he couldn't seem to halt the motion, the innate need to glance up, to look for her.

He didn't see her though, didn't catch a glimpse of those bright, blue eyes, the tumbling locks of that dark brown hair. And he cursed himself for the disappointment that surged through his veins.

Tommy was in the back of the stables when Joel entered, biting into a muffin that had been set out for the patrol team.

"Haven't seen your sorry face in a while," Tommy spat out, pieces of muffin flying from his mouth.

Joel shook his head, peeling his jacket off as the humid heat of the stables clung to his skin.

"I've got us at Teton County for second shift," Tommy said, nodding toward the schedule board.

"Sounds good," Joel said, eyes drifting over the schedule for a brief moment. He usually scanned the board for Ellie's name, just to have some idea of where she would be. She was scheduled for the first shift at Elk Creek with Dina, but the name below hers, the name scheduled for the second shift, made his blood run cold.

"What the fuck is she doin' on this board?" Joel muttered; teeth clenched tight enough it felt like his molars might burst.

Tommy shot him an incredulous look. "She signed up, Joel. She's qualified. She-"

"Take her off," Joel growled, taking one threatening step toward his brother as his heart pounded, rapid and deafening in his head. He couldn't even imagine her out there, the thought alone made him sick, physically ill. He wanted to rip her name off the board and snap the wood it was carved into over his knee.

"I can't," Tommy said, with a solemn shake of his head. "I have her at Elk Creek, that's the safest post by far, she'll be with Eugene, he's a professional-"

Joel felt his patience snap, audible in his head. "She can't fuckin' be out there, Tommy!" he snarled, shoving one thick finger into his brother's chest. "So you take her off, right now, tell her to do somethin' else."

Tommy pushed Joel back gently, with a hand to his shoulder, shaking his head, "Eugene will take care of her, they prob'ly won't even run into anyone, we haven't spotted strays out that way in months."

There was a buzzing in Joel's head, something hot and sour boiling away in his core.

He could not lose her again, could not let her leave the walls of this town.