Timeless Regrets.

Groceries (Chapter - 14)

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

The alarm jolted me awake. As I opened my eyes, I stared at the familiar ceiling before sitting up in bed, stretching out the stiffness in my back. I reached for my phone to check the time.

Today is the start of Semesters Break.

Still remembering Samantha's beach invitation I stood up. 

Since I don't have to go to school maybe I'll just stay at home. I thought as I drank water that was in my room.

I stepped out of my room and headed to the living room, hoping breakfast was ready. As I entered, I saw someone sitting on the couch, watching television. It was my brother, Joseph, now in his final year of senior high school. He'd be graduating soon.

We used to be close when we were younger, but lately, we've barely spoken. Every time I try to reach out, there's this unspoken distance between us—an invisible barrier. I can't shake the fear that maybe he doesn't want to talk to me.

Maybe because as men drifts apart from each other as they grow?

I regret letting things drift apart like this, but I can't figure out how it happened. I've read novels that inspire me to rebuild our relationship, and I want to, but that fear still clings to me.

Is our distance normal?

I long to restore the bond we once had, but no matter how much I want it, it feels like I just can't.

I wanted to ask him about his day, how school was going, or what was happening in his life. But every time, all I could manage were hollow words, afraid he wouldn't want to talk.

Then he looked at me and spoke first. "Mum and Dad already left. There's some leftover from last night's dinner—I heated it up."

"I see. No school today?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Nah. School's suspended. A tree fell and blocked the road leading there," he replied.

"I see," I said, the words feeling automatic as I headed to the dining table to eat.

As he continued watching television, my brother spoke up again. "By the way, Mom left a list of groceries she wants to be pick up. The fridge is starting to look empty."

Groceries, huh? , I thought to myself. Maybe it could be an opportunity for us to bond, a chance to break through the distance that had grown between us.

The familiar small voice in my mind began to whisper, insidious and relentless.

(He'll reject your invitation.)

(Why would he want to spend time with someone like you?)

(What have you ever done for him?)

(You're just a useless brother to him, someone who hasn't even been there when he needed help.)

Each thought pierced deeper, fueling the fear I already had. It was like my own mind was reminding me of every moment I'd let the distance grow, every opportunity I missed to be the brother he needed.

(Just let it happen, he doesn't deserve a useless brother like you)

But I couldn't. I didn't want to.

I wanted to fix the rift between us. The memory of Samantha and her mother flashed in my mind—the bond they shared. I wanted something like that. I couldn't let things stay the way they were.

"Sure, I can pick it up after I shower," I said, each word feeling heavier than the last. "But since you don't have school today, do you... wanna come with me?"