STRANGEST THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU || steddie

chapter seven: connection

The past week has been a bit hectic for Steve. His everyday routine has changed ever since he got closer to Eddie; he was in Steve's thoughts at every point of the day. When shopping, cooking, driving around to get some fresh air. Eddie was everywhere. Still is. Steve is not sure if it's because of the cassettes and CD that the curly-head sent him, or the fact that Steve has a weird reaction to Eddie's singing voice. It's different to his everyday tone which is quite smooth and playful. But when Eddie is singing, his voice is more rough and serious, quite stern actually. It makes Steve wonder what Eddie's voice sound like in other situations.

Steve stops in his tracks in the middle of the school hallway, his hand holding a backpack that has now slipped off his shoulder and would be laying on the floor if Steve hadn't caught it. Mouth slightly agape, eyes a bit wider looking into one point in front of the boy, a streak of sweat going donw his temple. What is he thinking about? He looks around, panicking if anyone has seen his little moment of shock. He doesn't want any stupid questions from anyone, he's fine. It's just the usual lack of sleep due to his reoccurent nightmares, especially since these have gotten worse since he's agreed to help Robin. A ping coming from his phome awakens Steve, so he reaches for the device, the screen lighting up with a message from no other than Eddie.

the target:
what the fuck are you doing?

Steve is beyond confused, re-reading the message countless times, thinking he might have misread it, but the contents still stay the same. He looks up from the phone and looks to his right, almost as if feeling someone's eyes on him. There he is, looking at his through the window the class has into the corridor. Eddie's sat on the table in an empty classroom, a cigarette in his hand, eyebrows furrowed and phone on his lap. He looks... Nevermind.

Steve puts his phone in the pocket of his light jeans and opens the door to the classroom where Eddie is sat. He enters the room and closes the door behind him, dragging his feet as he approaches the curly-head.

'Hey,' Steve speaks up first, catching brown eyes of his 'friend', who slowly puts a cigarette in his mouth and inhales the smoke.

'Hi,' Eddie replies, a cloud of smoke leaving his mouth as he does. Steve cannot help but watch as Eddies lips close around the cigarette, the action making Steve take a breath in. 'What was that?'

Eddie's question breaks Steve out of his questionable thoughts, 'Uh, what was what?' he asks back.

Eddie points to the corridor with the hand that has the cigarette in it, Steve following with his eyes like a cat looking at a laser beam. Enthralled by the way the cigarette is placed in between Eddie's fingers, the way the rings are hugging his thin digits.

I'm going crazy.

Eddie sees how out of it Steve is. 'Nevermind dude,' he says, looks away and puts the cigarette back in his mouth, just holding it between his teeth.

An uncomfortable silence forms between the two as they both sit on the desk in the empty classroom. Eddie nibs on the object in his mouth, while Steve plays with his fingers, not sure how to start a conversation with the already distanced boy.

Eddie feels the slight shaking of the desk, and from the corner of his eye he sees the way Harrington's leg shakes, as if he's impatient, but his guess is the boy is just anxious. He used to be like that too. Eddie reached his hand out and places it on Steve's knee, still looking away from the blonde. Steve's heart speeds up, but he also seems to relax at the same time. His leg stops shaking, shoulders slouch slightly.

'Sorry,' Steve finally breaks the silence, 'I just get like that sometimes, it can be pretty annoying.' He chuckles quietly, but it's a kind of awkward laugh.

'It's not annoying. Anxiety is awful and physical contact was helpful for me so...' He stops mid sentence, his thoughts going off somewhere. 'How long have you had it?' he continues.

'Uh.' A pause. Steve's not sure how to phrase his thoughts. 'You know the guy that jumped off the school roof?'

'Yeah?'

'Well, it was kind of my fault.' Silence erupts once again, Steve's head drops down, not meeting Eddie's eyes.

'What, did you push him off?' A small laugh escapes Eddie, the boy trying to break the tension.

'No!' Steve doesn't pick up on the joke, abruptly looking up at the curly-head next to him. Their eyes meet, Steve hypnotised by the brown of his irises. Eddie is not really sure what's happening right now. Why are they even having this conversation? 'I-' Steve starts off again, but stops himself immediately. How can he tell the person that he's trying to befriend that he took part in bullying the kid who committed suicide not long after. 'Me, Tommy and some other guys were bullying him, everyday, even on the day when he jumped. We- We were complete dicks and I can't forgive myself for what we've done to him.' he says everything so fast, he's out of breath by the time he's done. Steve spills his heart out possibly for the first time since he has isolated himself from everyone. And to Eddie of all people.

'Wow, Harrington. That's fucked up.' Steve feels his face lose its colour. 'But it's not only your fault. Tommy and others are as much to blame. What did you even do to him?' Eddie asks.

'Well, I laughed with Tommy at him, repeated some things Tommy said and... And well-'

Eddie interrupts him, 'Steve. You need to learn to forgive yourself. I'm sure that guy was cursing Tommy more than you, as we all did. I don't know about others, but personally, I always saw Tommy being the one who stirred up the shit, the rest of you didn't stop it, and sometimes even encouraged him. But that doesn't mean you can let it bother you, it's not healthy.' As Eddie shares his feelings on the matter, his hand squeezes on Steve's leg. The blonde just now realises that Eddie's hand has gone slightly higher than it was before. He tenses up slightly, feeling his face warm up. Eddie sees Steve straighten up and looks at the boy's leg, seeing that he's still maintaining physical contact with him. He mumbles a swear word, takes his hand off Steve's thigh and pushes a lock of hair behind his ear, his cheeks burning slightly.

'Thank you, Munson.' Steve looks back at him, and smiles. His smile falters quickly and he sighs, 'I know I already said it, but-'

'For fuck's sake. I swear, if you apologise once more, I will smack you.' Eddie butts in, hopping off the table, the cigarette now barely burning in his hand. He puts it off on a bin by the wall and walks up to the door. His hand's on handle, when he turns back to face Steve. 'Don't know though, you might enjoy that.' He flashes a smile and leaves Steve sill sitting on the desk with a shit-eating grin not leaving his face.