YELLOW WINTER

...

11
The first thing I see is Carol's smile under the bright light which we never put on.
The living room's a mess as always. She didn't bother to clean up a bit for her visitors??
Why's there more than one person here?
Carol, Jude and him?
Why's he here?
I've only ever seen his pretty face through car windows never five feet away from me and my drenched clothes.

Good evening Aunt Carol, Jude. "
I give a little nod and then my eyes fall on Marie.
She's got her usual cold time grey sweater, her grey loosely fitted pants and a red Christmas socks on. Beside her sits her cane, a case of her medical marijuana and an array of drugs which range from analgesic to hypnotics to drugs which use I don't know, a of placebos which over time do nothing to ease her pain.

They all wear a worried expression except Marie, she doesn't look at me and him..he smiles at me.

Yasmin!
Oh heavens you're drenched!

She moves towards me, I take a step back and she stops in her tracks.
Excuse me" I say with my bravest voice.

The next one hour I spend listening from the safety of the stairs.
He's going to be staying here??!!
Why?!!

Oh I knew why.
Carol's going across the continent to volunteer and so is Jude. Carol's mum's a cunt, quite frankly an unprovoked wild fire and since Carol's cut off ties with her he has to stay here as the last resort.

But why??
Why does he have to attend my school?
Why does he have to share this cell with me?

Soon I'm whispering good byes to Carol, Marie's looking through the new prescriptions Carol's brought her, Jude's saying something to him as they walk towards the car.

"Have fun guys"
Jude says as they drive out of the front yard.

You'll stay upstairs.
Carol says to him as I pack the supplies into the kitchen, stuff the fridge and then walk up the stairs.

Upstairs?!!
The only liveable room upstairs is the room outside mine.
How do I stay one door slam away from a boy i don't know?
Suddenly he'll be closer to me than the window across the street...

I move faster up to my room. I need to put away all those photos... But wait, why should i?
It isn't like he would ever come into my room or I into he's temporary room.
He's one of the pretty ones, the "dare not dreamables", he won't see me or atleast even if he does he'll surely only see what I am.
He'll see the pitiful girl who has fed off his step mother all her life.

I don't take out the pictures. No one sees me, staying across from me won't suddenly make me visible to him and so I listen to him take his many boxes up the stairs.

Heavens! All I want is peace and quiet so I can replay the life I lived two hours ago throughout the remaining hours of the night and very likely for the rest of whatever life i may have.

Lights are out, he sitting by the window ....his yellow curtains is indistinguishable from the darkness that envelopes the night.
I try not to think about all the reasons why he isn't sitting pretty with just another cheesy book in his hand like every other night.