YELLOW WINTER

,

13

I don't like allot of things but if there's one thing I find I don't cuss out to for it's noisiness it is the train.
This rusty train tracks and the train when it opens up for me to slide in is almost a great as the smell of rain.
Today however my feet aren't steadily awaiting the train, it's almost like they never lost kinetic energy haven't stood here for so long.
The boy two steps beside me must make them tingly not in a way Yoel makes me tingly, no in a way that makes me feel seen.
He's walking beside me with no words, he just followed me.
I'm afraid people might look at him and then see me.
I don't need to be seen beside someone who looks like him.
Someone who's face card automatically means he gets treated better than I would.

I don't say anything though and neither does he.

In the train he stands over me, eyes everywhere but on me.
His foot steps are quiet with wide strides I can easily keep up with although I let him walk ahead of me to keep the distance as we walk into school.

A bunch of kids stand outside in different coloured shirts all matching individual sport houses. He and I look out of place in our oddly matched blue jeans and plaid shirts.

In the hall ways I loose him distracted by Yeol walking into the theater and the group of basketball kids that accompany him.
Would it be like one of those movies where you have to deceive an only name existing student into thinking someone hot likes her as part of the conditions for being a member of an elite group in school?
Am I his conquest?

Maybe.
I'll just have to "i told you so" myself when I smoke my lungs out later.

That launch he's back four feet behind me.
I turn to tell him to stop but then he's talking to Kid with braces and a cool bike and so quietly i slip away.

He finds me though!
Sitting in the dark of the theater trying to stuff down cold meat pies.
He sits with me, in silence and for a moment I'm almost glad I can share launch with someone but my heart's not ready to be at peace without Yeol.

Do I talk to him?
Ask him the cliche "what are we now"?
Oh no!
....he hugged me, called out my name...why then has he being ignoring me and why do i care?

Highschool relationships end up in one or two scenarios.
1: break ups. There's no future, you are too young, you ain't in love you're only infatuated.
2: Pregnancy. You end up being tied down to an asshole you fell in love with in the hallway because he wore new shoes or had a haircut the new kids would call old fashioned when you're behind a fast food restaurant taking orders having forsaken your dreams to be an actress because "you had the looks" or maybe you do get that abortion or put up your kid for adoption, either way you realize that it wasn't love.
It was hormones, stolen buzz and the amplified need to fit in.

I don't need that, I convince myself that I don't even want children or to wake up next to no man but still here I am in the back of the theater hoping he's in here somewhere, behind the scenes preparing a cliche proposal to ask me out.
I don't deserve it, but still I almost hope.

Outside I walk with my head down avoiding the blazing sun and the noise from the court.

I see him at a glance hopping round the court in his sport house polo, yellow.
How would Isaac Newton explain this in literature and not physics?
The passing of light through a prism(Yeol) reflects off different colours but yellow...yellow seems to take the spot light.
The colour on him feels like a poem, like Coldplay's Yellow is being woven into his being as he strides forward.
I don't need a camera in this moment, it's engraved so deeply, my heart would remember.

Yasmine.

I look up and he's standing in front of me, a smile drowning the entire world leaving just me and him under the heat of the sun which his makes his skin almost glitter as sweat runs down his skin.

Ye...ol... Yeol. "
I manage to reply.

No one's looking, no one's noticed.
See?
No one cares when someone like me talks to someone like him but if I was to walk beside the boy who's steps had come to a halt behind me I'm sure I'll be torn apart by angry teenage girls.

His smile fades when he notices the company behind me. I almost want to explain but then why do I need to explain?

"I'll see you around."
He says as he returns back to the court.

Why does it feel like they know each other?
What are the chances of Yeol knowing a boy who's only just come into town?
Or maybe he's just jealous?
Jealousy won't make him disappear from behind, beside and around me for the rest of the day.