The Family Origin

Chapter Sixty-Six: MAISIE POV

 I cried while Miles helped me get clean after giving birth, but it was not the heart-wrenching sobs I had for Briar. My body ached as he helped me into the bed and tucked the fresh blankets around me. When he pulled away, I clung to his arm. My grip was weak, but he stopped. A few silent tears still rolled down my cheeks, but he did not scold me for crying.

"Please," I said before taking in a sharp breath. "Please, can you stay?"

Miles reached forward and brushed his calloused thumb across my cheek to wipe away the tears. His emotionless face never cracked through this horrible experience. He stayed calm as he took care of me.

"I have to go find my Father," he said.

Joseph had hurried out of the room before I could catch a glimpse of my daughter. Did he still have her? Were they going to bury her? Would she lay between Clara and Briar?

"I don't want to be alone," I said.

It was selfish, but I did not want to be stuck in silence and listen to the terrible haunting memory of our baby's cries. They were so weak.

"You are not alone," he said. "Jasper is here."

I looked past Miles to see Jasper standing in his crib. He had a tight grip on the wooden edge to keep himself on his feet. He was smiling and giggling, unaware of what had just happened. I did love hearing the sound of his happiness, so it eased some of the tension crushing my chest.

Miles turned and picked up Jasper before setting him on me. I winced when his weight caused sharp pains to shoot through my body. Luckily, he crawled off my lap so his tiny fingers could pick at the knit loops of Clara's blanket.

"Will you be outside for long?" I asked.

"No."

Miles kissed the top of my head before leaving the room. I listened to his heavy footsteps move throughout the house. When I heard the door slam shut, I closed my eyes and sobbed. Despite all of the pain, I reached for Jasper and pulled him into my chest. He wiggled in my grip as I took in a deep breath of his scent and imagined what my daughter must have looked like.

–

Although the baby's death felt like a heavy weight in our home, it was not suffocating like when Briar died. I managed to save my tears for when I was alone. Miles never mentioned our daughter. Joseph kept his gaze down and rarely spoke to either of us.

After dinner, Joseph and Jasper were in the living room. I leaned against the doorway as I watched them. Joseph was sitting on the couch and was leaning forward as he watched Jasper walk. He had become more independent with walking and would only occasionally hold onto the table or couch. Seeing him grow so strong so fast helped ease my fears about losing another child. He giggled as he moved Joseph's novel to different parts of the living room. Joseph smiled as he watched his grandson.

I jumped when Miles placed his hand on my shoulder. Looking up at him, I could see he was watching Jasper.

"Come with me," he said. I furrowed my brows, but he spoke before I could ask a question. "I'm bringing you outside."

"Outside?" I asked.

I had not left the house since Miles brought me outside after the intruder broke our window. Since they placed the bars on the windows, I had been protected inside this cage.

"Yes," Miles said.

He did not elaborate but grabbed my arm. Joseph glanced up as Miles pulled me away to the back door. I stayed silent as I watched him pull the key off from around his neck. He never let go of my arm as he unlocked the door.

"Stay next to me," he said.

I nodded, and he pushed the door open. The late summer air was warm against my skin when we stepped onto the porch. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath of fresh air. I listened to the lock click, and Miles tightened his grip on my arm. He pulled me off the porch and toward the trees. The grass was soft under my bare feet, and I remembered the crunch of leaves the last time I was outside.

My heart beat heavily in my chest, and my eyes darted around the farm. Was anyone else out here? Were people lurking behind the trees waiting to hurt us? Why would Miles bring me out here?

I stepped closer to his side, knowing he would protect me if outsiders were on our property. He was silent as he dragged me out to a clearing in the trees. There were three piles of small rocks lined beside each other. The furthest pile was in front of a line of fresh-turned dirt. I took in a sharp breath when I recognized it as a graveyard.

"You buried her," I said.

The words quietly slipped off my tongue. I pulled away from Miles, and surprisingly, he let go of my arm. My legs shook as I walked over to the fresh grave. I lowered myself onto my knees and ran my fingers over the dirt. My chest ached, but I was able to hold back the tears. Miles crouched next to me, but my attention was focused on the grave.

"What did she look like?" I asked.

Joseph carried her body out of the room before I could catch a glimpse of her face. Miles did not let me hold her. If he did, I would have probably never let go. He would have had to rip her out of my grip.

"Small and weak," Miles said.

"Her crying-" My voice cracked, and I stopped speaking so I would not burst into tears.

"It is better this way," he said. "If you started loving her, you would have been too emotional when she died. I hate seeing you cry."

I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on my deep breaths. My fingers brushed against my skirt to clean away the chunks of dirt.

"This is better for our family," Miles said. "Jasper is perfect. He is so strong and healthy. We need another son like him."

If I spoke, I would start crying. Keeping my eyes closed, I leaned my head against Miles's shoulder. He wrapped an arm around my body and held me close. We stayed in silence by the grave of our babies, and I prayed our next baby would be like Jasper. My heart could not handle another loss.