FACADE

33| Twisted

JACEN JR.

4:43am

Would you believe that I haven't slept? Not after the highest gram of edible...

Not after two rounds of sex...

Not after quietly watching reruns of Suits...

Nothing.

*Tell Mumz*

Nuh wah she take it to heart like the last time. She kinda dramatic like that more while.

*So?*

So we just wait it out.

When the sleep does allow me to take it these days, it comes with recurring images of things I've buried at the deepest, darkest parts of my mind.

A healthy yawn breaks my thoughts of course 'cause mi still tired, the sleep just nah farwud.

Paecyn stirs like she's been doing for the past hour. She's aware I'm up but I've convinced her not to have two tired bodies at breakfast in the morning.

*Dat ago cause too much suspicion*

Staying up for a while more while scrolling through my overcrowded emails, I think to call her... I don't want to but mi feel like mi need to at this point. Gaye ah say if I want to detach myself from her in that way, me affi cut everything cold.

*Just listen to you therapist. Yuh affi cut her off in this way fi real*

Trying.

Trying yes... but it's either her conversations or back to the Ambien.

*Hate dah f*cking sleeping pill deh*

Real, even when you're up and awake, yuh zombie out same way.

I take a soft but very deep breath while closing my eyes... and as expected, the image of mommy finds its way to my mind.

I fly my eyes open instantly.

*Jah know*

My head drops to the right to look at Pae, asleep and enjoying it. My left hand rises across my torso to gently pull her bonnet back onto her forehead— bonnet no stand a chance.

"JAcEnhmmnuhnuhyousleephmm," she mumbles before yawning and nuzzling her head deeper into the pillow.

I bring my arms back to my chest to lift my phone, only to check the time... It's saying 5:14am.

I sigh lowly, before looking at Paecyn one last time. She's back to her light snores which means she gone deep.

*Don't*

Need fi do it. Last time this, swear.

My fingers have already found her contact while I slowly slide from the bed with my eyes set on the room door.

She picks up on the second ring but I don't say anything... and she keeps quiet like she knows to, until I get to where I can talk freely.