ephemera 一 baek dohwa.

xxvi

Wednesday is a good day. You board the coach early in the day with the others and fall asleep during that journey, so that by the time you wake up by the coast at midday, you're pretty rejuvenated.

The weather is also brilliant without being too stiflingly hot.

The day is chaotic. Everyone gets to become kids again, and you think that this is the first day of the year where you haven't had to study the slightest bit. It's a liberating feeling.

The forecast says it'll rain towards the evening, so you retire to the youth hostel after dinner from a street vendor. It's a three minute walk from the beach, so you miss the downpour by a good ten minutes.

In a room for eight, you sit in a circle and play card games, several intense rounds of Uno, and then turn off the light to tell ghost stories. It's more exhilarating when you know you're not allowed to scream too loudly in case you disturb the neighbours, and in the dark, Dohwa tugs you into his lap.

Everyone there knows you're dating, but you've both refrained from being overly affectionate in front of the others, because it's a group trip, after all.

When Dohwa stands, pulling you up with him to say you're going to get some fresh air, Daesung repeats after him with a slow nod and a grin, fingers forming quotation marks.

‘Have fun, lovebirds!’ he calls after you.

You're laughing with Dohwa as you run down the corridor, bursting outside into the cool night air. Here, it's far away from the pollution of the city lights, and stars are scattered across the sky from the horizon and high above you as far as you can see in any direction.

The rain clouds have come and gone, leaving the promenade shiny and wet as it reflects the moonlight.

The gentle rush of the waves lapping on the shore reaches your ears, and you sigh happily. ‘It's so pretty here.’

Dohwa doesn't reply.

You look at him. ‘Dohwa?’

‘I think you're prettier.’ He smiles and tilts his head as he looks at you.

The statement is debatable. If anything, he's the one who looks beautiful tonight. There's a quiet, serene smile on his lips.

You step close, placing a hand on his cheek. His skin is absolutely pristine. You can't even find the heart in you to be jealous. You're simply struck alive with the fact that of all the people in the world, even if it's just for ten days, you've found Dohwa.

Dohwa touches your hand that is on his cheek lightly, keening closer into your touch. ‘I want to kiss you.’

You laugh. Your reply is to reach up onto your tiptoes and press your lips to his gently. It feels amazing. The butterflies dance in your stomach, and you feel warmer than ever.

He wraps his arms tight around your waist so you can't step back. Even if he didn't, you would have stayed close.

He returns the kiss softly, then with more fervour. You raise your other arm to cup the other side of his cheek. Your bodies are touching. Your breaths are mingling, and you taste Dohwa and Dohwa only. His scent wreaths around you.

Slowly, you raise your eyes.

His gaze reflects all the stars in the sky, eyes often coloured gold but now the deepest midnight.

You want to say you love him.

Is it love? To know that you have so few days left and accept letting him go 一 can you really call that love?

And yet you know it was never sympathy, nor his face that first drew you to him.

(You look at Dohwa once and your heart will begin to swell and grow weak out of a wave of softness. And when he smiles, you absolutely love how it's meant for your eyes only.)

Dohwa pecks you a final time on the nose. ‘I love you.’

You stagger suddenly.

Dohwa catches you, face flashing with worry.

‘That was me falling for you,’ you utter weakly.

Dohwa laughs, although his arms still haven't left your waist. You hug him tight, turning your head against his chest. ‘I love you, too.’