ephemera 一 baek dohwa.

xx

He doesn't mean to intrude, but his heart is hurting so much. He's sick all over again on the inside, and he knows exactly why. It's the fear of having to lose you when he's just found you.

‘Go shower,’ you order him when you're inside, tossing him a towel and a spare change of clothes.

Dohwa listens.

In the shower, he lets himself think about nothing, watching the mist rise over the glass walls in silver plumes.

When he re-emerges, he's feeling a little calmer. You've also showered in the ensuite. You’re matching in terms of trousers and hoodie, just that the colours are the other way around for your set of clothes.

You pat the space next to you on the sofa and Dohwa slumps down beside you, leaning his head on your shoulder.

‘I really like you,’ he says.

Although there's nothing fancy about the situation or the moment, you both know there's no need for it to be. It's a fact that you've both been aware of for a while, and there's something liberating about having the sentence said aloud. It's a sentence he was never able to say to Su-ae. It's a sentence that makes you now thread your fingers with his own.

‘I like you, too,’ you say.

Dohwa feels indescribable happiness. He wants time to stop so that he can frame the moment and relive it.

But before anything else can happen, his hand spasms, reminding him of the item he’s holding. He draws out the business card he'd taken with him here, placing it on your lap.

‘Marang Entertainment?’ You're surprised.

Dohwa speaks, heart heavy. ‘I'm thinking of joining.’

He realises suddenly that you know nothing about him. It's been days, weeks, months, and he's never told you. He has to force the words from his throat because they're lodged there like thorns.

‘I’m barely getting by financially. I don't live in Riverview Palace. I live alone in an apartment an hour from school by bus. I work three part time jobs in a week.’

He thinks as he speaks, fuck, fuck, fuck.

He wishes he could tell you that he was rich. He wishes he could tell you that he came from a happy family, that he would have no problem getting into university and staying by your side.

He doesn’t tell you that his father is abusive. It’s not a problem you can solve, and he doesn’t want to give you that burden of worrying. Not when he might disappear soon after telling you.

Dohwa continues, ‘I'm not smart enough to get into university with a scholarship. And even if I do, it's not like I suddenly won't need money for rent or food anymore. But Marang has been pestering me for the past year.’

The words tumble out, and he can't bear to look at you.

Your words are soft when you speak at last. ‘So you've decided.’

He swallows. ‘I have until the first of July. I'll be back at school next term, but during the summer, and after school…’

Ten days.

You have ten days left together.

To his utter surprise, you simply just squeeze his hand. ‘Then we'll make the most of the time we have left.’

Dohwa sits up abruptly, surprise banished as utter astonishment floods through him. ‘Does that mean you still want to date?’

‘Until you go, yes.’

‘It's my first time since middle school,’ he admits.

You grin, and Dohwa’s heart begins to pound even faster. ‘You've pulled so many hearts here, and never liked anyone back?’

He realises that you don't even know that he once liked Su-ae. But it's not important. You have ten days from now, and he only wants to look forward.