ephemera 一 baek dohwa.

xviii

Dohwa misses you. He’s counting down the days until midterms are over, because then he’ll get to see you again. Properly.

And after midterms, there’s the summer trip. And after the summer trip, it’s the summer vacation.

He’s actually a little excited after the Maths exam on Thursday, because it’s the first time the numbers haven’t jumbled themselves up in his vision. He got stuck on a fair load still, but he remembered how to solve a lot of the question types you went through with him.

But the bubbly feeling in his chest dies down when he spots a familiar black car parked outside the school entrance. People are whispering, and he feels his lips fall into a familiar scowl. He sees that same manager get out of the car.

‘I’m busy,’ Dohwa says flatly, turning away.

‘I’m just telling you to reconsider our preposition,’ the man replies. ‘If you’re going to make a decision, I need to know before your summer vacation starts. The first of July, was it? If you say yes, you’ll spend the summer training at Marang from the second.’

It’s the 22nd of June. Dohwa wishes that his life wasn’t so fucked up that he’d be considering signing his life away to an entertainment company in order to make ends meet.

His fingers betray him by closing around the business card the manager puts into his hands.

‘I’ll await your call on the last day of this month,’ the manager says. ‘That’s all the time I can give you.’

Dohwa circles A for all the multiple choice questions on the English paper the next day even though he realises he knows the right answers. He can’t be bothered to answer the written questions. Even if he did, it wouldn’t be enough to get himself a scholarship into any university. Apprenticeships cost too much money. Part time jobs don’t pay enough.

He rests his head on his arms on the desk and waits for the exam to be over so that he can finally see you.