𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 - 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝘇 𝗕𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀

CHAPTER 5

𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬
-𝗟𝘆𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗘𝗿𝗶𝗸 𝗠𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝘇

FLASHBACK
Iowa Year 1975 Age 7

I stood outside my parents' door, watching as my dad held her in his arms, weeping tears that mirrored her own anguish. My mother had suffered a heartbreaking loss, losing her baby at 4 months into her pregnancy. She wept, a profound sadness enveloping her. I wasn't privy to the full details, but I knew she had been enduring health challenges and had been hospitalized not long before.

I didn't know much about miscarriages. I mean, I was just seven years old at the time, so the complexities and emotional complexities of such a situation were beyond my grasp. However, I had overheard conversations in the past, when the problems had just started, indicating that stress was a contributing factor. The guilt and regret that came over me as I stood at the doorway, watching my parents' grief, was overwhelming. I couldn't help but think that somehow, some way, the situation was my fault.

A couple of days had passed since my birthday, and my parents had started planning the celebration well in advance. However, things took an unexpected turn when my mother started experiencing severe pain. I was deeply disappointed as the preparations for the party were abruptly canceled. Furious and frustrated, I couldn't hold back my anger, especially since both my father was still on leave, leaving just me with my mother. My childish behavior took a toll on my mother, causing immense pain for her and my father. I wish I had known back then how my own actions could have contributed to their agony.

Our gazes met, and it was like time stood still for a moment. My young eyes, wide with innocent hope, finally met the intense gaze of my father. The love and warmth in his eyes that I had grown so accustomed to felt replaced by raw anger and condemnation. In that moment, I couldn't shake the haunting thought that maybe, just maybe, I held the blame for this heartbreak. My father's expression hardened as he slowly rose to his feet, his unwavering stare never leaving mine, and he gracefully closed the distance to stand before me.

The door shut with a loud thud, and in that brief moment, everything went silent. Suddenly, my father gripped my arm with an iron grip, wrenching me from my spot, and forcefully dragged me down the stairs. I instinctively protested, calling out, "Daddy—", but I hadn't a chance to finish as he casually tossed me down, the ground stopping my descent harshly.

My father, seething with anger, seized me and lifted me off the ground, his rough grip sending a jolt of shock through my body. With seething contempt, he yelled, "You're such a goddamn Brat, Alexandra!" My mind was still reeling from the impact of my fall, and now feeling disoriented as he held me tightly, almost making me nauseous..

My father's anger reached its peak. The veins in his neck stood out as he yelled, "I told you it's time to act your age! You knew damn well your mother was going through something, and look what happened!" Frustration fueled his words as he shook me violently.

My father's rage continued to boil over. With a forceful push, he threw me further onto the ground, his eyes ablaze with fury. "You've been nothing but trouble," he growled, "ever since you started misbehaving. And now look at what's happened!" He stepped back, a sneer spreading across his face as he continued to berate me. "You're nothing but a burden, a worthless piece of trash. And now you've caused all this suffering. Is that all you can do? Cause me pain." I felt tears welling up in my eyes, my body aching from the impact of his push.

After his tirade, my father's anger shifted into action. He firmly grabbed my arm and roughly pulled me outside, leading me towards the edge of our big pond in our yard. The cool night air hit me like a wave, a stark contrast to the turmoil in the house. I staggered alongside him, my head spinning, before he stopped abruptly, pushing me toward the edge of the water.