LOVELESS - G. BLYTHE

6. past, and the present

TW: MENTIONS OF AN ABUSIVE SIBLING RELATIONSHIP & ALCOHOL ADDICTION

AUDREY WOULD BE LYING if she said she didn't still feel a little embarrassed for crying in front of Gilbert earlier that day. At least he hadn't brought it up since.

It was late afternoon. The two were now sitting in a cafe, discussing her situation a little deeper than they had earlier.

"–By the way, please don't tell anyone," Audrey said. "About my situation. About me. About anything. Please?"

"I was never going to," Gilbert smiled. Then his face dropped. "Oh no..."

"What?" Audrey's posture tightened, and her eyes were wide. "What is it?"

"Well..." Gilbert began. "There's this guy I know. He goes to my school, and... he's not a good guy. He doesn't know anything about you though– I swear. Only that I met you in the woods, and which tree I met you at. I would say don't worry, but, he seemed interested– too interested– in trying to figure out who the hell you were. I know you weren't going to, but if you were ever going to think about joining school– I would be very cautious. I'm sorry for telling him, truly. I didn't know you didn't... want me to. And I didn't know you were... well..."

"Homeless?" Audrey questioned. She had come to terms with it after her tears. Saying it aloud wasn't as painful now, though it still made her heart drop slightly every time she said it.

"Yeah..." Gilbert sighed. "About that, do you need a place to stay? I'm sure my father won't mind having someone over for– well, as long as you need, really."

"Are you serious?" Audrey asked, her mouth agape. Her ears were filling up with tears, but she didn't let any fall. She smiled brightly. "Oh, thank you! Thank you so much! Yes– yes, that would be wonderful!"

She wanted to hug him, but that would be improper.

"How can I repay you? Oh— I know– do you have a farm? I could help you out with it! I'm–"

"No, no, don't worry at all. I have a farm, yes, but, I wouldn't want you doing work when you've had weeks of working to simply survive."

Audrey hadn't thought of it like that, but she supposed he was right. She had been working, very hard, in fact. Just to merely... breathe. To live. To survive.

"Thank you for looking out for me," Audrey said sarcastically as she began to smile even wider. "But, I'd be happy to help. I'm still not sure if I will be attending school, so, whilst I await my final decision, a little work on your farm would keep me busy. If... you don't mind, of course."

"I don't mind at all," Gilbert said as he grinned. "Actually, it would be of great help to me and my father. He's ill, you see."

Audrey could see Gilbert's face darken sorrowfully. He avoided eye contact for a short moment after announcing the fact that his father was unwell. Audrey understood.

"Will he be okay?" She asked, and he thought about what to say for a moment, though he already knew the answer. She didn't know how to comfort people. Put her hand on his? No, they hardly know each other. Hug him? No, that'd be far too improper. And so, the girl just sat and stared sympathetically at him. Not too sympathetically, though, because she knew how tiring that can get.

It had happened a long time ago. Four years. When she recalled her memories, he wasn't in many of them. Even if he was there in the moment, he didn't appear in her retellings. He was seventeen when he passed. Audrey was ten.

Anthony Troy Blessing. Audrey's older brother.

He would be twenty-one now.

A mysterious man, he was. He somewhat reminded Audrey of God. The way he worked in mysterious ways. Some days, he was kind to Audrey. Others, she wanted nothing more than for him to burn in the deepest pits of hell.

Siblings fight, and fight they did. But their fights were different.

He would throw things. Scream things.

He would hit Audrey very hard. Not how ordinary siblings would hit each other. Often, she was left bruised and scarred. Sometimes, she found herself waking up on a cold, hard floor after being knocked out for some time.

He didn't always act this way; it wasn't the real him.

When he was sober, he would play dolls with Audrey. He would read her bedtime stories. He would fight off anyone who made fun of her. And most importantly, he would be her brother.

However, alcohol always seemed to unleash something deep within him. Something dark. Something evil. Audrey never knew if the sober Anthony was real Anthony, or if the drunken one was who he truly was. She didn't want to know.

Her parents knew somewhat of his relationship with alcohol, but not how bad it was. How bad he was.

They only truly realized when they found him dead due to a long night of over-drinking. They weren't exactly sure what had happened.

Audrey felt so very guilty when he died, because, although she missed her sober brother, she was ever so glad the drunken one was forever gone. She felt selfish. She was angry at Anthony. But most importantly, she was angry at herself. She often found herself shouting at her brother's grave. Telling him that he did this to himself. And that he deserved it. But really, the girl was shouting at herself. She could've done something. She could've saved him. If only she had spoken up about his struggles– he would still be here.

Everyone would always look at her with sympathy. She hated it. And so, she made sure not to give too much of that to Gilbert.

Audrey was so deep in her thoughts about Anthony that she hadn't noticed a fight that had started to break out in the cafe they were sat in. Luckily, Gilbert hadn't began to properly speak about his father yet, so they could leave without it being awkward.

They both got up, and although their minds were suffering with one the past and the other the present, they laughed quietly together as they walked out, leaving the rest of their meal, a small tip behind on their table.